Why I’ve Stopped Saying Yes to Every Volunteer Opportunity

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With just six weeks left in the school year, I’m counting down the days as eagerly as my fifth grader. Honestly, parents need summer break just as much—if not more—than the kids do. I definitely need a break.

I have two children: my oldest, Jamie, is 11 and about to finish elementary school, while my youngest, Alex, is 9. This means I’ve been volunteering at their school events and activities since Jamie started kindergarten back in 2008.

Now, let me be clear—no one has ever forced me to volunteer. I’ve participated in classrooms and school-wide activities because I genuinely want to be involved in my kids’ education, and I do enjoy it. As a work-from-home parent, I often feel like I should be doing more, so volunteering has been a way to channel some of that energy. Plus, I know how much the schools rely on parent involvement, and I feel fortunate to have the time to contribute.

But wow, it can be exhausting.

At Jamie’s first elementary school, a small one in a cozy district, there was a fantastic culture of parental involvement. Parents were essential for classroom help, fundraising, and extracurricular activities. It felt like we all worked together, and it was hard not to get swept up in the excitement. Many parents, even those with jobs, managed to volunteer at least once a month, and some did even more. As the PTA historian, I kept track of everyone’s volunteer hours and saw firsthand how much effort they put in.

I wore a lot of different hats during those years. As an enthusiastic first-time kindergarten parent, I signed up for everything that seemed even slightly interesting. I attended PTA meetings religiously for two years before being asked to join the board as the historian and later as secretary. I was a room parent, helped with the yearbook, worked in classrooms, coached an after-school club, and somehow became part of this elusive “Wellness Committee,” which I still don’t fully understand.

By the time Jamie reached fourth grade and with two kids now in school, I was feeling overworked and burned out. While I loved the friendships I’d formed and the work I’d done, I realized I couldn’t keep up the pace. I didn’t want to do everything anymore—I was tired of it. The activities that truly brought me joy were those I participated in less frequently, such as the PTA and coaching, while others felt like chores. I decided to scale back and focus on the few things I really enjoyed.

Then we moved to a new school with a different volunteer culture, and in an attempt to integrate into the community, I started over-committing myself again. Enter robotics.

Coaching a First Lego League robotics team was my worst experience in seven years of volunteering. With little engineering knowledge and having taken only basic math courses, I found myself leading a team just so my son could participate. I didn’t even want to do it, but I felt obligated. The promise of support from experienced coaches didn’t materialize, and we ended up learning as we went along. It was a struggle to keep the kids focused after long days of school and soccer practice.

On the upside, the kids loved robotics, and my co-coach turned out to be a great match. However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that with a more qualified coach, they could have learned so much more.

My experience with the new school’s PTA was similarly disappointing. Teachers didn’t utilize parent volunteers the same way they had at my previous school. I did go back to robotics this year, but I reduced my other commitments, no longer volunteering in classrooms or with the PTA. I coached track this spring, drawing on my 20 years of running experience to actually provide useful advice.

When I was coaching robotics, I often felt like I had failed the kids. Seeing other parents shamed for suggesting new ideas at the PTA made me furious. No one volunteering their time should feel like a failure or obligated to take on activities that drain the joy out of helping.

Our public schools need engaged parents, especially with budget cuts making parent volunteerism crucial for extra classroom help and activities. It’s easy to feel compelled to sign up for everything, and while it can be rewarding, it can also lead to burnout.

I don’t regret my involvement; it shaped my kids’ experiences and helped me forge friendships. But I’m done—both kids will be moving on to new schools next year. I’ll check out a PTA meeting or two, but I won’t overcommit or feel guilty about not participating. “Do what you love, love what you do” may sound cliché, but it’s spot-on for volunteer work. From now on, I’m only getting involved in the things I truly love.

And if anyone figures out what the Wellness Committee actually does, please let me know! You can find me at the track.

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Summary

After years of volunteering at my children’s schools, I’ve realized that I need to prioritize my time and only engage in activities that I truly enjoy. While helping out is important, it’s essential to find balance and not overcommit, as it can lead to burnout and resentment. Moving forward, I plan to focus my efforts on the volunteer work that brings me joy and fulfillment.