Taking My Kids to Witness a Cow Give Birth

home insemination Kit

Graphic Content Warning: This narrative includes vivid descriptions of a cow giving birth. While it might sound intense, trust me when I say that reading about it is nothing compared to being just 10 feet away from an actual cow in labor. So, take a deep breath and relax!

Yes, you read that right. In a bid to “experience nature” (or whatever rationalization you come up with when you’re about to witness something messy for no real reason), I decided to watch a large cow deliver a smaller, yet still sizable, calf. I know many of you have either been present for or even participated in the birth of a human, and while I’ve only done the former, I can assure you that the cow version is a whole different ball game.

You might be wondering why I’d put myself through this while sipping on a cold glass of milk, a beverage I can’t even look at anymore. First off, I live in Indiana, where cow births happen all the time. You could be driving to grab a pork tenderloin or a quirky T-shirt and spot a herd of calves being born right off the road. It’s like a reality show that runs 24/7, and some farms even let you lend a hand if you bring your own gloves. Seriously, in Indiana, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a birthing cow, and trust me, that happens way more often than you’d think.

How It All Unfolded

So, here’s how it all unfolded. We visited Fair Oaks Farm, an amazing spot in Indiana that features tours, activities for kids, fresh chocolate milk straight from the cow, the best grilled cheese sandwich I’ve ever had (sorry, Grandma), and a live cow birthing center. This center is basically a small theater, but instead of a stage, there’s a fluorescent-lit concrete room with two makeshift straw beds and two very pregnant cows looking a bit uneasy. It was like the worst version of Shakespeare in the Park.

Honestly, I felt somewhat intrusive. I’m not a woman, but having witnessed several births, my gut tells me that this isn’t an event where the person giving birth would want an audience of curious tourists. I felt for those cows, lying there, confused about what was happening to their bodies, with their rear-ends on display for folks in overalls and Carhartt shirts.

But there we were, witnessing the real deal, so of course, I had my kids with me because “the miracle of life” or whatever. My 10-year-old is curious and analytical. At one point, he leaned over to his 2-year-old brother, saying, “Look, that’s how you came into the world!” in a voice reminiscent of a preschool teacher. “Except Mom wasn’t a cow.” Mom was relieved to hear that distinction.

Overall, my older son took it surprisingly well. After we walked out, he remarked, “That was pretty cool,” while I internally wondered how much of that experience might haunt him later. “I like seeing the beginning of a life,” he said cheerfully, though I suspected he could’ve done without the less pleasant aspects of cow birth. The 2-year-old, on the other hand, was a whirlwind of emotions—wide-eyed for a moment, then clapping, running around, demanding orange juice, punching me in the eye, and tossing his shoes and a bag of fruit snacks. Just a typical day, right?

Despite my humorous take, the cow didn’t seem too bothered by the whole process. Sure, she was breathing a bit heavily (I think?), but she didn’t display any urgency or call for pain relief. She just did her thing, delivered the calf, stretched out, and laid down for a nap on some straw. Well, after a good licking of her calf, which I assured my son was not something Mom did.

Learn More

If you want to learn more about similar experiences or need guidance on home insemination, check out this helpful resource from WebMD on various treatments. For those considering at-home options, you might also want to look into the Impregnator from Make a Mom, a reliable authority on this topic. And if you’re curious about more insights, visit our blog at Intracervical Insemination.

Summary

I took my sons to a farm in Indiana to witness a cow giving birth. While it was a messy and somewhat awkward experience, my kids had surprisingly varied reactions. The older one was fascinated by the “miracle of life,” while the younger one was more interested in juice and running around. Regardless of the humor in the situation, it was a real glimpse into nature, and a unique bonding experience for us.