The 5 Types of People You Encounter as a Gay Dad

Being a gay dad isn’t really about the challenges of raising kids. Sure, my twins, who are just two years old, already wonder about the concept of a “Mommy” and why we don’t have one. But explaining our family dynamic to them is pretty simple. They’re bright, open-minded, and I’m confident they’re not harboring any homophobic thoughts. The real challenge lies in explaining our family to others.

There are so many questions that come up, like “Where’s your wife?” or “Where’s their mom?” Sometimes people even ask, “Wouldn’t it be great if your partner took the kids to the park?” And when Drew and I are out together, the classic question is, “Which one of you is the dad?”

We could easily dodge these questions, but what message would that send to our kids? That there’s something wrong with our family? Instead, we choose to teach them that some people just don’t get it. “We’re both dads,” we say, and then we pause to see how they’ll respond.

Before I became a father, I worried about how people would react to such a straightforward statement, but after two years of parenting, I’ve discovered that people’s responses tend to fall into five distinct categories. Here’s what I’ve experienced:

1. Your New Bestie

Reaction: Unmatched excitement
Within moments of meeting Drew and me, these folks are ready to embrace us, connect on social media, and invite us for holiday dinners. They think it’s the coolest thing ever that our kids have two dads, and they happily showcase us to their kids. “Look, Billy! This is their dad and this is their other dad! Isn’t that awesome?” They’re often eager to befriend us, assuming they need to compensate for any prejudice we might face. I appreciate all the New Besties I can find. They’re usually the most common type of person we encounter – a big reason I love living in Los Angeles.

2. Cynical Supporters

Reaction: Casual indifference
These individuals are also cool, but maybe a bit too much so. They quickly inform us that they know lots of other gay dads. “Oh, I know a couple at the school; they’re named Tom and Alex,” they’ll say. They want us to feel comfortable, but they’re more focused on how they appear to us. They might be thinking, “This won’t be the last gay family I meet; better act cool about it.” They’re supportive, but their coolness can feel forced at times.

3. Closet Homophobes

Reaction: Polite evasion
These people aren’t on board with our family, but they do their best to be polite. “How nice,” they’ll say, before quickly finding an excuse to leave the conversation. You can see the discomfort on their faces; they might even wish they hadn’t asked questions in the first place. They often struggle when their kids ask innocent questions about our family structure. “Where’s their Mommy?” they’ll stammer, trying to maintain an illusion for their kids. I always make it clear that there is no Mommy in our family, and that’s just how it is.

4. The Puzzled

Reaction: Total confusion
This reaction is often the most amusing and quite common. Some people just can’t wrap their heads around our family dynamic. I remember a car salesman who was baffled when we mentioned we were having twins. “Your wife will love the minivan!” he exclaimed. When we clarified that we were both dads, he kept insisting that we were brothers. It’s like they can’t process the idea of two dads, and their confusion can lead to some hilarious moments.

5. The Moral Guardians

Reaction: Outrage
Thankfully, I haven’t encountered any of these people yet, but they’re the ones I fear the most. They’re the type who feel the need to condemn our family in public, often citing religious texts and claiming we’re ruining the fabric of society. They might even demand proof of guardianship or threaten to report us to authorities. I’ve always been prepared for a confrontation with these so-called Moral Guardians, but they’ve remained elusive, like a monster under the bed.

Before my children were born, I thought I’d face these critics often. Instead, I met all kinds of supportive people, and I’ve always been ready with my responses. If you ever see Drew and me out with our twins, don’t hesitate to say hi. We love connecting with people and sharing our story, which makes our kids feel like little celebrities. Regardless of how you react, I’ll be ready for you!

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In summary, being a gay dad means navigating a variety of reactions from people we meet. From enthusiastic supporters to confused onlookers, every interaction offers a chance to educate and share our unique family story.