Why Didn’t Anyone Warn Me About the Struggles?

home insemination Kit

It’s quiet in my house right now. I’m at my computer, and my little one is peacefully napping. It’s a weekday afternoon, and I’ve finally managed to create this bubble of silence. Honestly, if you had told me six weeks ago that I’d be sitting here, feeling content and alone, I would have thought you were joking.

Six weeks back, I came home from the hospital with my newborn, and suddenly, everything felt overwhelming. It wasn’t the joy I had imagined; it was more like stepping into a dark tunnel. I have an incredible support system — a loving mom, amazing friends, and a caring family. I received lovely gifts and kind messages, but when I got home with my baby, I found myself wondering why no one had mentioned the shadowy side of motherhood.

Exhaustion hit me hard. In those early weeks, sleep was a distant memory. Nights dragged on, filled with cries and uncertainty. I learned just how torturous sleep deprivation could be. I remember feeling utterly lost, like I was on the brink of losing my sanity. One moment of brief sleep would be shattered by piercing screams that sent me racing to comfort my baby. Sometimes I could soothe him; other times, I felt utterly helpless, questioning why I couldn’t calm my own child.

Doubt crept in relentlessly. I found myself second-guessing everything — from parenting decisions to what I should have for breakfast. During those first few weeks, despair settled in deep. I cried often and felt isolated. Since nobody seemed to talk about this darkness, I assumed I was the only one experiencing it. I felt like a failure, convinced I wasn’t fit for motherhood. I cringed at every question about how much I was “loving it.” Was “it” my baby or the whole experience? Because those were two very different things. When people asked how I was doing, I felt too ashamed to admit I was struggling.

What I really wanted was for someone to ask how many times I had cried that day or how lost I felt, torn between immense love and profound sadness. If someone had reached out, I would have known I wasn’t alone.

So, if you’re a new parent navigating this journey, I want you to know that it will get easier. Those long nights and the constant wake-ups won’t last forever. Your baby will eventually sleep longer, and that will bring back a sense of normalcy. It’s completely normal to look down at your newborn and wonder if they’ll ever smile at you or love you in return. In the beginning, the lack of positive feedback can be draining.

It’s okay to feel envy towards your partner who gets to leave the house for work, enjoy warm meals, and engage with adults. It’s also natural to feel frustration when your baby finally sleeps just minutes before your partner walks in and comments on how peaceful they are. You’re allowed to crave social interaction while also feeling intimidated by it. I often thought about how exhausting small talk would be when all I wanted was someone to say, “I get it; it’s tough.”

And when you finally do get a moment away, it’s alright to feel guilty for leaving but also wonder if you’ll even come back. You’re not alone in this. You are doing great, and you’re the best parent for your little one. It might feel impossible at times, but it will get better.

If you’re looking for more information on home insemination, check out this post on intracervicalinsemination.com. And for those exploring the option of at-home insemination, Make a Mom has some fantastic resources. Additionally, if you have questions about fertility, this is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination: UCSF.

Summary

New motherhood can bring unexpected challenges and feelings of isolation. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and even guilty. However, you’re not alone in this journey, and things will improve over time. Remember, you’re doing a great job.