Why Women Should Unite Instead of Compete

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Back in my early 20s, I had a friend named Lisa. Lisa was bold, hilarious, and had a knack for finding the best late-night snacks and underground concerts. She was truly one of a kind.

One night at a bar, a charming guy walked past us and approached a stunning girl with classic looks—long blonde hair and a revealing top. Watching them joke and connect, Lisa suddenly launched into a harsh critique of the girl’s appearance and intelligence. I was confused; this girl was simply trying to enjoy a night out like the rest of us. “Why are you so upset with her?” I asked. “Shouldn’t your frustration be aimed at the guy who didn’t even notice you?”

But my words fell flat. Lisa continued her tirade, and this wasn’t just her behavior. I once had another friend, Sarah, who was about to graduate from a prestigious business school. After her interview, she overheard a classmate mocking her outfit and makeup, claiming she’d never land the job. And let’s not forget that time a guy I was dating said he wouldn’t work for a woman, and all the women present nodded in agreement.

Fast forward to today—those women are now in their 30s, navigating life as wives and mothers. Yet, I still see that same critical mindset, now shifted from dating and careers to parenting choices: working vs. staying home, breastfeeding vs. formula, co-sleeping vs. sleep training.

It’s a relentless cycle of competition and judgment that needs to change. While not every mom engages in this behavior, the so-called “mommy wars” are all too real, filled with negativity and judgment. If we want to foster a spirit of support among mothers, we must start with the next generation—our daughters.

We have to teach them the value of female friendships, whether they’re playing together in kindergarten or having sleepovers as tweens. We must correct them when they make hurtful comments about other girls and encourage them to cheer for their friends. It’s also essential to be mindful of our own actions; they notice everything. They hear us criticize a woman’s choices or roll our eyes when we see another mom struggling. They absorb our attitudes, and if we want them to grow into supportive women, we need to model that behavior now.

Imagine a future where the “mommy wars” are nothing but a relic of the past, laughed at in sociology classes. And as for that stunning girl at the bar who got under Lisa’s skin? She’s probably a mom now too, facing her own challenges. I sincerely wish her the best.

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Summary

Women often find themselves in an unending cycle of competition and criticism, whether in their younger years or as mothers. To break this cycle, we need to teach our daughters the importance of supporting one another. By modeling positive behavior and fostering strong friendships, we can hope to eliminate the “mommy wars” and create a more united community of women.