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How I Transformed My Life
Two years ago, when I hit 41, I did something I never thought a working mom like me could pull off—I completely transformed my life.
Growing up, I was always trying out different career paths in my imagination. I envisioned myself as a president, a teacher, a writer, a psychologist, or even a movie star. It wasn’t until my 20s that I started to narrow down my options, crossing the White House and an Oscar off my list. But as I landed into adulthood, I kept my options open. I took on meaningful jobs and switched companies whenever I found something new that piqued my interest. Thanks to my advanced degrees, I easily transitioned between fields. With no real obligations other than keeping the lights on, I embraced new challenges without much fear. It was a time marked by youthful confidence and the freedom of being single.
My journey took me from graduate school to policy work, followed by law school, clerkships, and ultimately a position at a prestigious law firm. While it was lucrative and demanding at first, I quickly realized that a life of 15-hour workdays, a combative legal system, and around-the-clock availability wasn’t for me. I thought about leaving, hesitated due to potential pay cuts, and then considered it again—until life changed everything.
I got married, became a stepmom, adopted a dog, bought a home, and had a baby. Suddenly, quitting my job was no longer as simple as it once had been. There were bills to pay, college funds to build, and a house to maintain. Although I often fantasized about staying home to care for the kids, I took pride in my financial contributions to the family. I valued my professional identity and the years I invested in my education; I didn’t want to walk away from it all. Plus, I wanted to model a strong working mother for my boys. Stability seemed more important than chasing new adventures.
The idea of jumping from job to job felt irresponsible. It didn’t seem like something a mother should do. Leaving my established career for a new beginning felt as unlikely as finding time for an uninterrupted conversation with an adult or a full night of sleep.
Work became merely a means to an end. I craved inspiration and a fresh challenge. Without wanting to disrupt everything, my husband suggested I explore one of my childhood dreams on the side. So, while I addressed clients’ needs and partner demands during the day, I wrote at night after the kids were asleep. I wrote for free, seizing every spare moment. I wrote because I loved it. I wanted to see if it could evolve into something more than just a passion project that stole my sleep but gave me an adrenaline rush each time I saw my name in print. After two years of weaving writing into my chaotic life, I finally took the plunge and left my job to pursue writing full-time.
At 41, with two kids, I found myself, for the first time in 25 years, unemployed.
It was a mix of panic and excitement. I know this is a privilege—having a supportive spouse who can carry the financial load (at least for now) is no small feat. But what I realized upon quitting my job was that most of the barriers I faced weren’t financial; they were rooted in fear. Fear of losing my identity and status, fear of failure, fear of judgment from others, and fear of disrupting my family dynamic. I was held back by countless “what-ifs.”
When I quit, I faced disbelief from some colleagues and envy from others. I went from being an experienced attorney to a rookie freelancer. Instead of the scrutiny of judges and opposing counsel, I now confront rejection from anonymous editors and feedback from faceless critics. I sometimes struggle with confidence and occasionally miss the structure of office life—not to mention the paycheck.
However, the benefits I’ve gained far outweigh what I’ve left behind. I’ve found autonomy, flexibility, creativity, more time with my kids, better sleep, and the chance to pursue a lifelong dream. I learned that skills from one job can be adapted to another, and education is never wasted but repurposed. My family doesn’t define me by my job, and I spent far too long thinking they did. I may not have a book deal, a viral post, or a steady paycheck right now, but that’s okay. I’m building a new career, and even if I fail spectacularly, I know I can pick up the pieces without regrets.
Let’s be honest—making a significant life change at this stage comes with challenges and sacrifices. But if you’re seeking a fresh start and can grasp what it takes to begin anew, the rewards are worth it. Not everyone will become the next E.L. James or Sara Blakely, but we can all aim for something greater. As Shel Silverstein wisely said:
“Listen to the mustn’ts, child,
Listen to the don’ts
Listen to the shouldn’ts,
The Impossibles, the won’ts
Listen to the never haves
Then listen close to me—
Anything can happen, child,
Anything can be.”
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Summary
At 41, I took the leap to redefine my life, transitioning from a demanding law career to pursuing my passion for writing. While I faced fear and uncertainty, the autonomy, creativity, and time with my kids have brought me joy and fulfillment. Change is tough, but the rewards of starting anew can lead to a more fulfilling life.