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Steering Clear of 3 Major Pitfalls in the Early Stages of Divorce
A while ago, I went through a separation from my husband, and to say I was taken aback would be an understatement. After 17 years of marriage, I felt utterly blindsided when he decided to end things. In reaching out for support, I discovered many women with similar experiences—some who anticipated the change, and others who were just as shocked as I was. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s a tough and life-altering journey. Drawing from my own experience and conversations with friends, I’d like to share a few tips to help navigate those turbulent early days.
Some days are easier than others for me, but there are moments of deep pain and exhaustion I never anticipated. However, there are also glimmers of hope that remind me I’ll get through this. With mediation dates on the horizon, I’m learning to take it one day at a time, and I encourage you to do the same. It may feel overwhelming, but remember, it won’t last forever. Seek support; you don’t have to face this alone.
That said, there are common missteps that can make this already challenging time even more difficult—some I’ve made myself. It’s essential to change your mindset and drop familiar habits, especially if your situation isn’t particularly amicable. Whether it’s talking to a friend, seeing a therapist, or diving into a recommended book, finding support is crucial as you weather this emotional storm.
A Word of Caution
Let’s start with a word of caution: what if your divorce is amicable? If you and your soon-to-be ex can sit down and amicably discuss who gets the couch or the kids’ visitation schedule, that’s wonderful. But be cautious—don’t assume it will be easy just because you’ve had discussions in the past. There’s a saying: “You never really know someone until you divorce them.” This has certainly rung true for me. Rushing into decisions can be a mistake, so take your time.
In my case, my husband was eager to push for a no-contest divorce, wanting to “get on with his life” just days after telling me he no longer loved me. It was shocking to realize he had been planning this for months without my knowledge. Knowing your rights is vital, even if you feel pressured. In Texas, for example, an uncontested divorce is only possible under certain conditions—like having no kids under 18 or no shared property. For us, only one condition applied, so that option was off the table.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Mistake #1:
Don’t let your ex, your emotions, or anything else rush you into hasty decisions. You’re in the eye of an emotional storm. Making rash choices now could impact your future significantly. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to have someone else advocate for you, whether it’s a friend or a professional. In cases of physical danger, know that you have resources available to you. Take action if you ever feel unsafe.
Mistake #2:
Limit your interactions with your ex. After our split, my husband reached out via email about divorce specifics, and I thought a phone call might help. That turned out to be a mistake. Our conversation quickly escalated, and I realized it was best to communicate strictly in writing from then on. Phone calls can lead to emotional confusion and lack documentation. Use email or texts to keep a record of everything, and if you’re unsure about what to say, have a lawyer review your drafts before sending them out.
Mistake #3:
Don’t rely on your ex for support. While he may have been your partner for years, that dynamic has changed. You are your own go-to person now. If your ex was the caretaker before, remember that you need to seek help elsewhere. Whether it’s hiring someone for household tasks or reaching out to friends, break the co-dependent pattern. You can handle this—you’ve got this, and it will get easier.
If you’re feeling lost or in need of support, there are resources available. Check out this site on artificial insemination kits for guidance, or visit Healthline for excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the early days of divorce can be overwhelming, but by avoiding common pitfalls—like making rash decisions, over-engaging with your ex, and relying on them for support—you can navigate this challenging time more effectively. Remember, you’re not alone, and it will get better.