As I approached my 40th birthday, I was filled with excitement, as if I were about to shed an old, worn-out coat and step out into the world anew, enveloped in silk and serenaded by angels. Forty felt like a pivotal moment, a chance to set my life straight. I imagined waking up that morning infused with all the confidence, clarity, and purpose I’d always desired.
But when my birthday finally arrived, I realized I still felt like the same person—stressed about trivial matters, overwhelmed by motherhood, and unsure about my future. Weeks turned into months, and a year passed without much change. Then, unexpectedly, I found out I was pregnant with my third child. Any daydreams I had about my 40s swiftly shifted back to the realities of new motherhood.
I knew I couldn’t spend another decade just going through the motions of motherhood. I needed to carve out my own sense of confidence, clarity, and purpose instead of waiting for them to arrive. Like many late bloomers, I’ve taken time to find my footing and understand what truly matters to me in my mid-40s. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
I don’t need to “get over” things; I need to work through them.
Growing up, the mantra was always, “Get over it; you’re amazing, just move on.” While that might work for minor setbacks, I’ve realized that true growth comes from acknowledging difficult experiences, even the really hard ones. It’s about fully embracing the spectrum of emotions—sadness, anger, joy—and allowing them to coexist.
Make space by letting go.
This ties into the idea of working through rather than getting over. Once I navigate an experience, I aim to release the intense emotions tied to it, making room for positivity and new opportunities.
What others think of me isn’t my concern.
Years ago, a friend named Claire told me, “What people think about you is none of your business.” I understood but struggled to embrace it. As someone who has always wanted to please others, it took time to realize I won’t make everyone happy. Instead of worrying about others’ opinions, I focus on doing right by myself and my loved ones.
Bravery is a daily practice.
In my younger years, bravery meant taking big leaps—like moving to a new city or ending a relationship. Now, in my 40s, bravery feels quieter. It’s about writing regularly, having tough conversations, and sometimes saying “no” when it’s easier to say “yes.” Recognizing the small victories is just as important.
Be gentle with myself.
Mistakes are inevitable. I’m going to slip up, lose my temper, or forget important dates. I’ve been hard on myself for my missteps, but I’m learning that as long as no one is severely hurt, these blunders are forgivable. It’s essential to balance self-criticism with self-compassion.
Aging is okay.
I don’t view my age as a burden; I just accept it. I’m not trying to look or feel like I did in my 20s or 30s. While I occasionally fret over wrinkles and sagging skin, I recognize that what truly matters is how I feel on the inside. That’s where my true self shines through.
Stay vigilant, not fearful.
Aging brings its own set of physical challenges, and while I’m currently healthy, I’ve become more aware of my well-being. I’m committed to taking care of myself without resorting to extreme measures. It’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize rest and to say no to things that don’t serve my health.
Embrace compliments.
When someone offers me praise, I’m working on simply saying “thank you.” I tend to downplay my achievements or feel the need to reciprocate immediately, which can come off as insincere. Allowing myself to genuinely appreciate compliments helps me acknowledge my worth.
It’s not about still having it; it’s about finally getting it.
I’m not referring to looks or allure. I’m talking about understanding what is genuinely important—confidence, intention, and being present in the moment. It’s about finding joy, patience, and forgiveness, all of which require effort but are well worth it.
Better late than never, right?
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In summary, navigating life in my 40s has taught me invaluable lessons about self-acceptance, emotional resilience, and the importance of focusing on what truly matters. I’m embracing my journey, flaws and all, and recognizing that it’s okay to be a late bloomer.