Why Having Your Own Friends Matters When You Become a Parent

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Before you dive into parenthood, your social circle is often filled with friends who are a huge part of your life. But once the kids arrive, you may find those friendships dwindling. It’s no surprise, given that your main focus becomes keeping your little ones safe and healthy. Playdates often turn into moments of vigilance as you follow your child around playgrounds, with any adult conversation happening in brief snippets while pushing a swing.

The hope is that as your kids grow and their schedules shift from toddler activities to school events, you’ll have more opportunities to connect with other parents. You meet fellow moms and dads at preschool, gymnastics, and soccer games—people who, like you, are just trying to keep it together. You might even think you’ve found your tribe during these chaotic moments. I had that thought too.

I was convinced that while spending countless hours in waiting areas, bleachers, and grassy patches, I would forge lasting friendships. As my kids transitioned from playgrounds to schools and extracurriculars, I started to look forward to those interactions. I met Rachel at gymnastics, and we spent many weeks walking and chatting while our kids practiced. It felt great to connect, but then life happened—our kids moved on to different activities, and our friendship faded into the background.

It’s a common scenario. You bond with other parents during shared experiences, but as kids switch activities, those connections can dissolve just as quickly. Maintaining friendships that require phone calls, texts, or meet-ups became challenging amidst the whirlwind of parenting responsibilities. I realized that I had sidelined my own social needs while prioritizing my kids’ schedules, just like many other parents.

Reflecting on nearly 20 years of parenthood, I’ve come to understand that the expectation to be present at every moment of our children’s lives can be overwhelming. What if, instead of just watching from the sidelines, we took the time to build our own friendships? Imagine going for a walk with a friend while the kids are at practice instead of just sitting there. It would be refreshing to have that balance, where our own happiness matters as much as our kids’ activities.

Investing in our adult friendships shouldn’t feel rebellious; it should be a priority. I wish we could connect with other parents whose kids are sharing the same space, maybe even making friends in the process. This isn’t just a nice thought—it’s essential for our wellbeing as parents.

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In summary, as parents, we often lose sight of our own social needs in the hustle and bustle of family life. Building and maintaining friendships can lead to a healthier, happier parenting experience. So, let’s make it a point to nurture those connections while our kids are busy with theirs.