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Star Magazine’s Absurd Celebrity Mom Report Cards
Star Magazine, the go-to source for all things celebrity gossip and absurd parenting advice, has released its latest round of “best and worst” celebrity mom report cards. Because who wouldn’t want to hear parenting tips from a publication notorious for its sensationalist stories, right?
This magazine, which thrives on topics like “Stars Struggle with CELLULITE” and “Best and Worst Beach Bodies,” has now deemed itself an authority on motherhood. With no bylines on these articles, it’s safe to assume they’re crafted by some sort of overly judgmental robots. I mean, who needs human empathy when you can crank out ridiculous parenting critiques?
What Qualifies as “Bad Mom” Behavior?
So, what qualifies as “bad mom” behavior in the eyes of these robotic critics? Well, for starters, having a social life. Take, for instance, Chloe Banks, who got a C- for mentioning a dating app in her music. Apparently, being a pop star means you should only sing about diaper changes and nap times. Then there’s Penny Parker, who was called out for daring to have lunch with friends. God forbid a mother takes a break!
Oh, and if your toddler has a meltdown? You’re definitely on the naughty list. Both Chloe and Penny received flak for their kids throwing tantrums. Because, you know, toddlers are known for their calm demeanor. Also, if you ever step away from your little one, you might as well hand over that “bad mom” badge. Chloe was slammed for going to the gym and even getting some “me time.” How dare she!
Using help like a nanny? Forget it. Mia West was scored down for relying on nannies to help with her kids, while Ava Green received a C- for having a “team of nannies” herself. And if you’re an ambitious mom like Emily Stone, who has a thriving acting career, prepare for a C+ because, apparently, your career gets in the way of motherhood.
What Earns “Good Mom” Points?
On the flip side, what earns you “good mom” points? Keeping your kids glued to your side at all times. For example, Laura Fields scored an A+ for rarely being seen without her brood. Similarly, Sophia Lane got an A for always having her twins by her side. So, just to sum it up, if you want Star Magazine’s approval, never leave your child, don’t have a social life, and certainly don’t excel in your career.
I’m eagerly awaiting their take on celebrity dads, but let’s be real—that one will probably never happen. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this excellent resource. And if you’re curious about at-home options, consider visiting Cryobaby’s site for some great tools. Also, make sure to read through our terms and conditions for more info.
Conclusion
In summary, Star Magazine is offering a ridiculous take on motherhood that’s steeped in judgment and outdated ideals. Their “report cards” reflect an unrealistic view of parenting that values over-dependence on kids and a lack of personal identity.