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What We Say to Our Kids and What They Understand
From the time I was a kid, I was always battling a bad perm. My mom, frustrated with my fine, tangled hair that seemed to have a mind of its own, thought a home perm was the answer. And just like that, I turned into a walking Chia Pet during the 80s. My hair endured countless pink rollers that were pinned so tightly I felt like my head was going to burst! The smell of those chemicals? Ugh, it made me gag. After a rinse in the kitchen sink, I’d look in the mirror and think, “Well, I guess this is as good as it gets.”
The underlying message I picked up—though my mom never meant it—was that something was wrong with me, particularly my hair. I absorbed that belief without a second thought, leading me to continue damaging my hair well into my young adult years, clinging to the idea that my natural look just wasn’t acceptable.
Now, as a mom myself, I strive to avoid sending those hidden critiques to my daughters. It’s not easy! Sometimes, without meaning to, we throw out comments that can be taken the wrong way. It’s important to think about how our words might be interpreted before we share our thoughts.
For example, when I said, “Are you sure you want to wear the green plaid shorts with the pink-and-black zebra stripe shirt? Maybe think it over, honey?” my daughter heard, “You think my outfit is ugly, and I can’t pick out my own clothes.” Or when I commented, “The side ponytail is a bit messy,” she interpreted it as, “You think my hairstyle is dumb.”
These are just glimpses into the everyday misunderstandings. Even when I try to guide them, there’s a thin line between offering advice and sounding critical. Kids absorb our opinions like sponges, often taking them at face value.
As I work through the tangles in my youngest daughter’s hair after her shower, I fight the urge to yell, “Let’s just chop it all off!” I dislike the knots, but her hair is uniquely hers, and it’s perfect just the way it is. When it comes to my daughters and who they are, I wouldn’t change a thing.
For more tips on navigating parenting and the complexities of insemination, check out this post on home insemination kits. They’re a great resource, just like the information at CryoBaby on their at-home insemination kits and UCSF’s guide on fertility insurance.
In summary, be mindful of the messages we send to our children. It’s all too easy to unintentionally convey criticism when we mean to guide. Both our words and our children’s interpretations can shape their self-perceptions in profound ways.