Toddler Course Offerings: Spring 2015 Edition

Hey there, fellow parents! Get ready for our exciting lineup of toddler courses this spring! If your little one is nearing the age of two, don’t forget to chat with your guidance counselor about signing up.

Pants and How Not to Wear Them

Ready to tackle the age-old battle of pants? This beginner class explores why grown-ups insist on them (it’s all about those pesky social norms and chilly weather). Discover effective strategies for resisting the pants mandate. If your bicycle kicks and passionate “NO PANTS!” chants aren’t making the cut, our panel of seasoned experts (aka 4-year-olds) will guide you through the art of “adamant refusal.” (Wednesdays and Fridays, 6PM-9PM)

Pulling Things Off Shelves with Abandon

Once again, we’re setting up this popular class in the campus library, much to the chagrin of the librarians. Join us for a fun time of organized chaos! (Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, 7PM-9PM)

Intro to Toddlerhood

New to the world of toddler antics? This course is perfect for you! Explore essential skills like opening cabinets filled with cleaning supplies, sneezing on loved ones, and competitive goldfish cracker eating. Plus, learn how to smile sweetly while your avocado art lands on the dog. (Mondays and Wednesdays, 12PM-4PM)

Annoying Shows and How to Constantly Ask For Them

Missing your favorite shows? Want to watch them on repeat? This one-week intensive course teaches toddlers with a vocabulary under 70 words how to persuade adults into compliance. (Monday-Friday, 1PM to 8PM)

Where to Leave Legos So That Your Parents Will Step on Them in the Dark

Dreaming of a way to bring your parents to their knees? This class will unveil the best places to leave your toys so that they’re guaranteed to get hurt in the night. Warning: Legos not included. (Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, 7PM-9PM)
(Prerequisite: “Where to Leave Small Matchbox Cars So That Your Parents Will Step on Them in the Dark”)

Introduction to Not Sharing

Due to high demand, this limited-class fills up quickly! Sign up now or risk losing your spot to someone else. No tears will change our minds. (Tuesdays and Fridays, 12PM-3PM)

Walking Slowly

This class starts at 4PM in a building 200 feet away, along a path filled with enticing distractions. Arriving on time? Not a chance. (Wednesdays and Fridays, 4PM-6PM)

Climbing Out of Your Crib

Stuck in your crib? This is the class for you! Learn how to escape and explore your surroundings, whether that’s getting into Vaseline or investigating electrical outlets. Our instructors cover everything from traditional escape techniques to answers to questions like, “Will it hurt to land on a hardwood floor?” (Wednesdays, 8PM-4AM)

Intro to Food Refusals

Perfect your skills in rejecting delicious food because it’s “touching other food” or “has green bits.” Our talented chefs will prepare a gourmet feast for you to push away, throw on the floor, or even smear in your hair while you scream. (Mondays and Thursdays, 6PM-9PM)

Intermediate Art

Just because you’re not fluent in language doesn’t mean you can’t express yourself! This hands-on class encourages creativity using glue, markers, and your parents’ furniture. (Tuesdays and Thursdays, 12PM-3PM)

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In summary, our spring toddler courses promise to be interactive, engaging, and filled with fun (and some chaos). These classes are designed to help your little ones navigate the world with their unique set of skills.