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Why I Allow My Daughter to Choose Her Own Outfits
Time’s ticking down, and we have just 15 minutes before we need to head out for the birthday bash. The morning has been nothing short of chaotic. My 5-year-old, Mia, woke up grumbling about the gloomy weather, the temperature of her toast, and the audacity of me asking her to brush her teeth. At this point, my main goal is to get to the party without a meltdown.
“Okay, sweetie, we have to go,” I say, trying to stay calm. Rushing her is like throwing gasoline on a fire, and I really don’t want to ignite another tantrum.
I hear her scampering toward the stairs, and I breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe we’ll make it.
First, I notice her legs. She’s wearing bright orange tights that we bought on clearance ages ago. They were meant for a Halloween costume, but here they are, saggy and definitely out of season.
When she finally appears, I see she’s paired those tights with an oversized t-shirt. Ugh. I know I have to explain that she needs to wear a skirt or dress because those tights are, well, not leggings—they’re practically see-through.
She rolls her eyes and huffs but reluctantly agrees to change. I silently hope she’ll swap those ridiculous tights for something more appropriate.
She comes back wearing black shorts—those “monkey” shorts we bought for summer under dresses. They’re pretty short, almost like bloomers. Now she looks like a mash-up of a vintage ballerina and a basketball player from the ’70s.
I’m at a crossroads. Growing up, birthday parties were a big deal for me. I was taught that special occasions required special outfits, and as a girl from the South in the mid-’70s, there was a lot of pressure to look a certain way. I remember feeling ashamed because I didn’t meet those expectations. I’ve spent years trying to unravel those damaging messages, and I’m determined not to pass them on to Mia.
But as I look at her outfit, I’m torn between my perceptions of what she should wear and her unique style. Deep down, I know I’m going to let her wear it. I remind myself that by allowing her to express herself, I am helping her avoid the emotional baggage I carry from my childhood. I even convince myself that I’m fostering her creativity, which might save her from a future filled with unfulfilling jobs or endless therapy sessions.
Yet, I find myself gripping my phone, tempted to text the birthday girl’s mom and preemptively apologize for Mia’s outfit choice. I can’t help but think about sending a funny message, something like, “She insisted on wearing these tights! Please don’t judge me!” But then I realize that if I’m truly supporting Mia, I shouldn’t undermine her choices by seeking validation from others.
As we arrive at the party, I take a deep breath and wish her a good time, telling her I love her. She skips away, completely unbothered by her outfit, embodying a sense of freedom I didn’t have at her age. It’s refreshing to see her move through the world without the weight of shame or the need to conform to anyone’s expectations.
As she disappears into the party, I find solace in knowing that by keeping my opinions to myself, I am granting her the freedom to be herself. It feels like a fair trade-off.
In the end, it’s all about letting our kids express their individuality, even if it means letting go of our own expectations.
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Summary: This article discusses a mother’s experience allowing her daughter to choose her outfits, reflecting on the lessons of self-expression and the pressures of societal expectations. By letting her daughter wear what she wants, the mother aims to foster creativity and prevent the shame she experienced in her own childhood.