What My Partner Taught Me About Parenting Our Teenage Daughter

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When it comes to raising my daughters, I’ve always thought of myself as the main authority. As a woman, I figured I had a leg up since I know what it’s like to grow up as a girl—a perspective my husband simply doesn’t share. I’m the one who remembers to pack extra snacks, keeps spare underwear in the car, and always has Band-Aids on hand. I’m the responsible one, while he’s the fun parent. Clearly, I’m the alpha in this parenting duo, right?

Well, not anymore. Things have shifted in our household, and the catalyst for this change? Puberty. I had grand plans for how I’d handle my older daughter’s transition into her teenage years. I envisioned being the empathetic, wise parent who would be in tune with her every emotional need. I thought she’d confide in me. Yeah, that didn’t quite pan out.

The moment she turned 13, she slapped on those headphones and tuned me out completely. Music became her lifeline, and I felt like I was shouting into a void.

“What’s going on with her?” I complained to my husband. “Why does she need to drown out everything with noise?”

My husband just shrugged. “She’s a teenager now; music is everything at that age. I was the same way.” He chuckled and added, “Unless I was busy making a mixtape.”

“Ugh! Stop it! I feel ancient!”

“It’s all good,” he reassured me. “She’s just really into music, like I was.”

He had a point. He’s maintained his love for music since his teenage years, while I’ve grown less invested over time. These days, I might listen to music in the car or enjoy the CDs he lovingly makes for me (a modern-day mixtape, if you will), but I don’t actively search for new music like he does.

And here’s where my husband schooled me in parenting. While I was yelling at my daughter to take off those headphones, he took a different approach. He encouraged her to keep them on. That way, he could communicate with her through music.

While I was busy feeling frustrated, my husband was busy listening. He would sneak her phone when she was asleep, curating playlists filled with songs he thought she’d enjoy.

“Hey, check your phone tomorrow. I added a few tracks I think you’ll dig,” he’d mention casually as he rushed out the door.

I braced myself for eye rolls and teenage disdain, but to my surprise, she’d smile and listen. He was speaking her language—music—and they connected without saying a word.

Now, it’s often my husband she turns to, even when it comes to those more serious conversations. There’s a comfort level there, likely because of all those musical exchanges they’ve shared.

I should feel a pang of jealousy, right? I do. But I also recognize that their bond through music is something special that I can’t replicate. It’s a reminder that while I thought my daughter was mine to mold, she’s her own person with her own interests, and that includes her dad.

It’s a journey of letting go, knowing she has a world ahead of her to explore, headphones on and all.

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Summary

: Parenting a teenage daughter can be challenging, especially when communication barriers arise during puberty. My husband taught me that connecting through shared interests, like music, can foster deeper relationships. While I initially struggled with her need for headphones, his approach of engaging her through music helped them bond and opened new lines of communication. It’s a reminder that our children are individuals with their own paths to follow.