There’s No “You Owe Me” in Marriage

home insemination Kit

It was one of those chaotic Tuesdays filled with toddler tantrums when I called my husband, Jake, to check if he was done with work. Honestly, I was desperate for a break or at least some help. When he answered and said he was on his way, I told him we’d be ordering pizza because, amid the mess, screaming, time-outs, and tears, I hadn’t even managed to prepare a meal. He sounded cheerful and suggested, “How about we all go out to dinner instead?”

After a full day of arguing, discipline, and tears from everyone involved, the last thing I wanted was to take our little ones out in public, which could easily send me over the edge. “Babe, I just can’t. Today has been terrible, and I’m not up for it.” His silence spoke volumes; he was disappointed. With an exasperated sigh, I relented. “Fine! I’ll get the kids ready.”

In a huff, I brushed my daughter’s hair, wiped the kids’ faces, and dressed them up to look presentable. As we loaded them into the car, I shot a glare at Jake and said, “You owe me.”

Later that night, which surprisingly didn’t turn out as badly as I feared, I reflected on what I had said and came to a humbling realization. The phrase “you owe me” has no place in a marriage.

When you say “you owe me,” it implies that the other person is obligated to return the favor. It creates a sense of resentment, as if you’ll withhold affection or slack off on your marital duties until you feel compensated. Wedding vows often emphasize commitment, love, and support, even during tough times. Ultimately, marriage should be about selfless love.

Saying “you owe me” essentially means, “I’m taking the upper hand here, and you better make it up to me.” It robs the other person of their choice and turns genuine affection into an obligation. That’s not love.

Marriage can be tough. Even strong marriages face challenges and difficult seasons. I choose to avoid adding to that stress by demanding something in return. Instead, I want to love without expecting anything back because on May 23, 2009, I promised Jake I would love him selflessly to the best of my abilities, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

If you’re curious about home insemination, check out this article on intracervical insemination, or learn more from Make a Mom, an authority in this area. Also, the CDC has great resources on pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, relationships thrive on selflessness, not on keeping score. Saying “you owe me” undermines the core of partnership and love. It’s about giving without expecting something in return, even on the hardest days.