The Values I Instill in My Children Start with Kindness and Compassion

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When I was younger, Sundays were reserved for church, and I often found myself at Wednesday evening meetings too. My mom, a second-generation Christian Scientist, opted out of all medical treatments for herself and her kids. I vividly remember praying for better eyesight so I wouldn’t have to wear glasses. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. My siblings and I relied on prayer to get through measles and chicken pox since we were never vaccinated. (I finally got my shots as an adult!) And on the last day of ninth grade, after being tossed from a convertible on the way to a fun picnic, I woke up in the ICU, injured and unable to move, with a rather morbid thought: “Thank goodness my mom is away at a church convention. Otherwise, I might not have made it.” Dark, but true.

My husband’s upbringing was quite different. He attended Bible camp in the South, where kids as young as nine faced hypothetical scenarios like, “If you were in front of a firing squad and told to denounce Jesus, would you?”

Now, neither of our two kids has ever been to church, and honestly, they don’t miss it. But that doesn’t mean they lack faith or a sense of morality. They believe in God, kindness, and doing good, just on their own terms. Our home is free of hellfire and brimstone.

Our approach to religion is a bit unconventional. We emphasize kindness as the foundation of our family. Teaching our kids to show compassion to those who are less fortunate is at the core of our values. They have learned to respect their elders and to always use good manners, especially around adults. We encourage hard work and honesty—no cheating or lying allowed, as those traits can undermine even the greatest achievements. They know how to genuinely apologize and are taught to treat others as they wish to be treated. We remind them daily of their privileges and the importance of gratitude because the world can be a tough place, especially for girls. They recognize the value of a quality education, a sturdy roof over their heads, and the abundance at our dinner table.

When they ask us what we think God is, we tell them, “He’s Love, with a capital ‘L.’” It’s a universal force of love that connects us all. When they wonder what God looks like since we can’t see Him, we ask, “What does our love look like to you? Can you see it or just feel it here?”—pointing to their hearts—“and know it’s there and real?”

We encourage quiet meditation and seeking God for comfort. We frame God as an eternal friend who is eager to listen and guide them. We remind them to expect answers and to believe in a greater good that they are a part of—something the world needs desperately.

In our home, we strive to model love and affection. We support each other through thick and thin.

Like us, many parents are moving away from traditional (or in my case, untraditional) forms of religion for their kids. Maybe they have friends who have faced condemnation from churches and can’t reconcile that with their values. Our kids have “fun uncles” who fall into this category, and we embrace that. Perhaps they see inconsistencies in religious teachings that just don’t add up. Maybe they never found God within those four walls and instead discover Him elsewhere, defining their spirituality more flexibly.

As I grew older, I realized I didn’t have to accept an all-or-nothing mindset: either stick to rigid dogma or risk eternal damnation. Many of us find our spirituality in quieter, more personal places. Our kids won’t struggle with the hypocrisies that often come with organized religion because we’ve given them a solid foundation.

Sure, they’ll have questions as they grow, but I feel prepared to answer them. I only share what I truly believe and, for the unexplainable mysteries of life, like our purpose here, I admit it. I’m at peace with not having a definitive answer. Their internal compasses will guide them, and we’ve done our part to set them in the right direction. I trust that our kids will be just fine, and I believe God is good with them too.

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Summary

In a world where traditional religious practices may not resonate with all families, one parent shares how they focus on cultivating kindness and compassion in their children instead. They emphasize values like respect, honesty, and gratitude while encouraging their kids to define their own understanding of faith. This approach fosters a sense of spirituality that is personal and relevant without the constraints of traditional dogma.