9 Times I Nailed Naïve Parenting (And Totally Messed It Up)

You know how it goes: before every new phase in your kid’s life, you convince yourself that parenting’s going to be a breeze. You set these lofty expectations and think you’ve got it all figured out. Then, bam! Reality checks come crashing in, and you find yourself improvising like a pro. Embracing denial and keeping an open mind is crucial for the art of Naïve Parenting.

Back when my kiddos were little, I was convinced they’d be perfect sleepers, rarely throw tantrums, and always look like mini runway models. Fast forward to today, and I’m ready to write a book or at least get an interview with Oprah about my experiences. Here’s a look at some of my naïve promises regarding my older kids that, well, didn’t quite pan out.

1. No Overscheduling Allowed

Before I had kids, I was judgmental about parents who rushed their kids from one activity to another while shoving hotdogs down their throats. I swore I wouldn’t fall into that trap. But somehow, I found myself signing my child up for not just one activity but a whole roster of them! Suddenly, my schedule looks like a game of Tetris, and family dinners? Well, let’s just say we celebrate Thanksgiving every week.

2. Patience Is Key

I pictured myself parenting like Mr. Rogers, but in a fabulous cardigan, of course. I thought every mishap would be addressed with calm discussions and cookies. Most days, that’s not the case, and I end up shouting more than I’d like to admit. And let’s not even talk about my missing cardigan or the fact that I’m usually the one stress-eating cookies near the dog bowl.

3. No Cell Phones Until High School

When did kids need phones at 12? I was adamant that my son wouldn’t have one until he was much older. But after much debate with my husband, we caved for “emergencies.” So far, it’s mostly been used to ask for sleepovers or ice cream runs.

4. The ‘Cool Mom’ Stigma

I used to think I’d be the fun mom who could make my kids laugh. Now, as they enter their tween years, I’m learning there’s a fine line between humor and awkwardness. Reading their body language has become essential, especially when they walk away after my jokes.

5. Limiting Screen Time

Let’s not dwell on this one. Moving on!

6. Eating Right Every Day

I envisioned wholesome family dinners filled with healthy meals. Instead, we often find ourselves in survival mode—think ‘Survivor’ the show, not ‘survival mode’! If we can eat a bowl of rice and some chicken, I consider it a win.

7. Animal Prints? Not in My House!

I thought my daughter would steer clear of the animal print craze, but here we are, thanks to brands like Under Armor. Now, I find myself shopping for zebra-striped leggings, and honestly? They’re kind of adorable.

8. No PG-13 Movies Until They’re 13

As they grow older, the pickings for kid-friendly movies get slim. Now, we find ourselves navigating the tricky waters of movie choices, and yes, a few questionable films have slipped through. But don’t worry, we’re pros at muting bad language!

9. Commitment Is Everything

I used to say my kids could never quit an activity. But when it comes to loud instruments or sports that could lead to injury, I’ve learned to bend the rules a little.

As my kids approach their teenage years, I can’t help but wonder what naïve expectations I still have. Are they really going to be home by 9 p.m. every Saturday? Time will tell, and maybe I’ll keep Oprah in the loop.

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In summary, parenting is a wild ride filled with unexpected turns. As we grow alongside our kids, our naïve expectations often evolve into humorous realities. Embrace the chaos and enjoy the journey!