Am I a Better Parent Through Texting?

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“Hey, Uncle Mark thinks we can’t check out the new superhero movie, but honestly, it’s not even that bad. I’m texting you just to double-check. So, can we go? I mean, it’s a superhero movie!”

Ugh. I planted my feet firmly against the fence. The movie could wait. After my partner navigated the next leg of the race, I dashed through the trees to see him cool off with some water before hitting the track.

The heat was relentless that day, even for a spectator like me. I found a shady spot to sit and pulled out my phone. “I’m pretty sure you can see the movie after I get back,” I texted my daughter. “But can we keep things chill while I’m gone? I really don’t want to come off as the bad guy and stir up tension. Sound good?”

I braced myself for her usual pushback, the kind of argument that I just didn’t have the energy to deal with. But seconds later, as I walked toward an air-conditioned café, she replied, “Sure, that works.” I read it twice to make sure I wasn’t imagining things.

Once I stepped into the cool air, I was struck by how smoothly everything had unfolded. No accusations, no back-and-forth, just clear communication.

This wasn’t my first rodeo with parenting via text. When my kids hit me up for a last-minute change or a shopping spree, a simple “No” through text, maybe with a quick reason, stops the endless back-and-forth that usually sends my temper into overdrive. That silence following my text allows me to maintain my cool when we’re face-to-face, too.

The beauty of texting lies in the built-in delay; it’s like a filtering mechanism. By the time I hit send, I’ve thought through what I want to say a bit more. A little “parent timeout” is invaluable, and texting gives me that every time.

Writing is my jam, and I need time to craft my words. I’m that person who rewrites a social media post a dozen times before sharing it. Wing it? Not my style. That’s probably why my résumé says I used to be a lawyer.

In law school, I imagined attorneys had scripts or at least guidelines to follow. But the reality is that every case is unique, just like parenting. There’s no manual that explains why my kids are upset or what they really need.

In a few weeks, both of my kids will be teenagers, and I still haven’t come across a parenting handbook. I haven’t found that magic pause button to stop myself from saying things I might regret later. Except when I’m texting—there I have a time-out button right at my fingertips.

Sure, it’s not a complete solution, but as they grow more independent and spend more time away from home (and me), texting might just come in handy. And who knows? Maybe in person, I can hold my phone while talking to them, letting that texting “pause” remind me to think before I speak.

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Summarizing, using text messages can often help streamline communication between you and your kids, allowing for clearer and calmer exchanges. It’s not a perfect fix, but it offers a valuable pause that can help avoid unnecessary conflicts.