Mom in the Parking Lot: A Modern Fairy Tale

home insemination Kit

Picture this: I’m in the parking lot, juggling my kids and a shopping cart that feels like it’s about to tip over any second. My little ones are precariously hanging off the front of the cart, ready to tumble and put our “hold on tight or faceplant” theory to the test. Meanwhile, the more determined ones are on a mission to unearth the hidden stash of fruit snacks buried beneath the actual fruit. Spoiler alert: all they’ll end up doing is smashing the chips.

Every time I make my way across the parking lot, I find myself dodging a tiny elderly woman who seems blissfully unaware she’s backing out of her spot. As I navigate back to safety, a fellow mom in a minivan creeps behind me at a snail’s pace. If she’d just let me cross, she could snag my coveted spot right next to the cart return.

Ah, the cart return spot—my sanctuary! It allows me to wrestle the groceries and kids into the car without leaving them unattended while I sprint across twelve lanes of traffic. I harbor this irrational fear of clown-masked kidnappers waiting to swoop in as I dash to the cart corral. Heaven forbid I’d ever have to explain to my kids why we can’t visit the circus after that. Remembering the time we watched Poltergeist in fifth grade—thanks for that, teacher—brings me back to those unsettling memories. Just what every fifth grader needs: pee-stained shorts and a fear of spongy clown noses.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I manage to sneak in a solo shopping trip. When I’m alone in the store, it’s a whole different ballgame. There’s no one slipping from my grasp to dart in front of oncoming Suburbans driven by anxious new teen drivers. There’s no sibling squabbling over who gets to push the cart back to the van, and no little feet getting rolled over as I try to organize the cart for unloading. And the best part? I don’t need a car cart!

When I’m out solo, I feel like a whole new person. As soon as the car door slams shut behind me, I straighten up, lifting my posture and letting my belly relax over my waistband—what a relief! My shoulders pull back as I stride confidently, feeling like a runway model or, at the very least, someone who isn’t waddling like a penguin because one of my kids is trying to navigate the lot from between my legs.

I’m a lady! I have just my purse on my arm, not my purse plus three toddler-sized princess purses that my girls abandoned within thirty seconds of exiting the car.

In this moment, I’m a parking lot diva. My shirt is actually covering my bra because there’s no child tugging at my neckline as we cross in front of stopped cars. I spot a familiar face from the YMCA and think, “Hey there, my navel says hello!”

My sunglasses are perched perfectly on my face, not dangling from one ear like last week when they got knocked askew during a kid tussle while I was busy wrestling one child and keeping another in check.

When I’m flying solo, my pants fit comfortably, my lip gloss doesn’t have rogue hairs stuck to it, and no one has spilled my latte. I’m free to enjoy my precious latte without dodging a drive-thru for fear of demands for cake pops and chocolate milk.

I’m me again—not just “Mom,” but “Ma’am.” I may not get carded while buying wine anymore, but hey, at least I’m old enough to buy wine! If it weren’t for that My Little Pony sticker my little one stuck on my rear before I left, I’d feel like the lady I aspire to be.

If you’re interested in more on this topic, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. And remember, if you’re looking for an at-home insemination kit, Cryobaby is a great option. For additional insights, take a look at our terms and conditions.

Summary

Navigating the parking lot with kids in tow can feel like a circus act, with wobbly little ones and unexpected obstacles. But when I finally get the chance to shop solo, I rediscover my confidence and a sense of self beyond “Mom.” It’s a refreshing reminder of the balance between parenting and personal identity.