4 Lessons Learned as a Child of Divorce

Hey there! So, it’s been about 31 years since my parents decided to go their separate ways when I was just 11. Fast forward to today, and I’m now married with three kids of my own—11, 9, and 7. Let me tell you, marriage isn’t always a walk in the park, and divorce? Definitely not a piece of cake either. One thing I’ve come to realize as a parent is that kids don’t have a preset idea of what their childhood should look like. They aren’t comparing their lives to some perfect fairy tale; they just roll with the punches.

When my parents sat me down to share the news about their breakup, I didn’t see my home as “broken”—that’s an adult term. Kids adapt to what life throws at them. Sure, we feel hurt and have questions, but dwelling on things is mostly an adult pastime. When my dad moved into his own place, it didn’t feel like the end of the world; it just meant things were different.

1. Misbehavior Gets Labeled as Divorce-Related

One of the first things I noticed after my parents’ split was that any bad behavior on my part was often chalked up to the divorce. “Oh, Amanda is acting out again. It must be the separation.” Nope! That was just me enjoying the occasional expressive word choice.

2. Guilt Runs Deep

Next up, guilt. Every parent deals with it, but those going through a breakup seem to carry a heavier load. It’s like they think they can fix the past by being overly nice or compensating in ways that kids don’t even need. My sister and I had our fill of guilt treats like pizza and skateboards for a while, but eventually, we got tired of it. Kids can’t binge on guilt the way adults can!

3. Family is What You Make It

Another lesson I learned is that family is family, no matter if you call your parents Mom and Dad or Steve and Susan. Whether you have two sets of grandparents or four, your family is yours. We formed new traditions, merged some old ones, and sometimes had hilarious clashes. There were moments I’d wonder what life would have been like if my parents had stayed together, but I also recognized the unique opportunities that arose because they didn’t.

4. Love Knows No Bounds

Finally, I discovered that love isn’t tied to shared last names or living arrangements. The connections we form as a family come from dropping expectations and guilt, and just enjoying each other’s company. My stepdad and I didn’t have the typical father-child bond at first, but we figured it out. We had “breakfast chats” that helped me navigate my life, and even if I cried every time, I also found my way.

Kids are clever and adaptable; they might request homemade cookies one day and store-bought cupcakes the next. As they grow, they process emotions without the extra baggage of guilt. Like when my youngest broke her leg, she was back to her cheerful self within minutes, declaring she was a “3-year-old with a broken leg.”

I can’t erase divorce from life, but I hope to ease its sting because, in the end, we all turn out just fine.

If you’re interested in more about family dynamics and home insemination, check out our blog for great insights on parenting and relationships. For further information on fertility, visit this excellent resource. For those looking to start their own family journey, consider checking out this reputable source for baby-making kits.

Summary

Growing up as a child of divorce taught me valuable lessons about adaptability, family dynamics, and the nature of love. Kids don’t hold onto guilt the way adults do, and they find ways to navigate changes with resilience. Embracing the uniqueness of family life, no matter the structure, can lead to fulfilling connections.