Why Every Horror Movie is Secretly About Toddlers

Let’s face it: toddlers are like tiny little zombies, and parenting can sometimes feel like you’re living in a horror flick. The slobber, the endless babble, and that persistent urge to bite – I totally get the comparison. But I’m diving deeper and proposing that nearly every horror film out there draws inspiration from our delightful little munchkins.

Cujo

Take Cujo: That scene where the dog tries to break into the car? Yeah, that feels like a parent who dared to shut the bathroom door for a moment of peace.

Aliens

And then there’s Aliens. The bit where the alien licks Sigourney Weaver’s face? Clearly, that’s the result of someone who’s tried co-sleeping with a toddler who’s just testing the waters to see if you’re awake.

Jaws

Jaws hits home too. Every day, I find myself dodging bites from my teething little one. If you squint hard enough, the boat mast could totally be a kitchen stool, right?

The Exorcist

Let’s not forget The Exorcist. I honestly believe this whole film is about a cute baby navigating through their terrible twos. That pea soup scene? Oh, we’ve all been there, trying to sneak veggies into their favorite smoothie.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Clearly, that’s about a toddler pre-nap and post-nap.

28 Days Later

Then there’s 28 Days Later. The rage virus? It’s real and it lives in toddlers. There’s no cure—only time. Enough said.

Pet Sematary

In Pet Sematary, the writers didn’t hold back when they made Gage come back as a vengeful spirit. Every toddler has that potential; some just haven’t quite figured it out yet.

The Blair Witch Project

And who can forget The Blair Witch Project? That climax where the guy stands in the corner while the woman screams? Yep, that’s my daily ending, except I’m in front of the fridge, scarfing down whatever I can grab while my toddler yells “Mommy!” over and over.

Rosemary’s Baby

Lastly, we have to mention Rosemary’s Baby, the ultimate evil baby flick. While little Adrian doesn’t get to showcase his full demonic potential, we all know what toddlers are capable of.

Got any more examples I missed? Drop them in the comments!

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In summary, horror movies and the adventures of parenting toddlers have more in common than you might think. From the relentless chaos to the unexpected scares, they both offer a wild ride full of surprises.