When my daughter was a baby, she had this adorable habit of flailing her tiny fists in the air right before dozing off. It was one of those involuntary reflexes all newborns have—like sneezes and giggles. Looking back, it was probably her first expression of defiance.
From the very start, she was resistant to nearly everything. She refused to be tucked into a baby carrier, constantly straightening her legs as if to stand tall. Getting her to sleep was a battle; nothing worked until we resorted to bouncing her on an exercise ball or taking long walks in a stroller (that was only when she was old enough to sit comfortably). We tried all the conventional wisdom about establishing bedtime routines, recognizing sleep cues, and ensuring regular naps. It didn’t matter; nothing seemed to apply to her.
As she transitioned into toddlerhood, we heard a lot about “redirection”—the idea being that if she was fixated on something unsafe or annoying, we needed to distract her with something else. “No, don’t play with those sharp scissors! Here’s a toy instead!” But that strategy fell flat. Once she focused on something, it was like a laser beam; she couldn’t let it go. This stubbornness extended beyond toys; she quickly developed a strong sense of how things should be and wasn’t afraid to voice her opinions as soon as she could speak.
I know some parenting techniques work wonders for others. For instance, my friend Alex has a more easygoing child, and the “redirection” tactic worked like a charm for him. My daughter, however, came into the world with a fiery spirit. She’s not a bad child—far from it! She’s bright, articulate, and full of affection. When she’s in her element, she’s an absolute joy. But when things don’t go her way, she can erupt like a volcano.
Now that she’s 8, her strong will is a bit easier to manage, or at least we’ve learned a few tricks along the way. Interestingly, she behaves exceptionally well in school, saving most of her sass and debates for home. I try to remind myself that her comfort with us means she feels safe testing boundaries. Nonetheless, parenting her can be quite challenging at times.
Here are a few strategies that have helped us over the years:
- Empower with Choices: When we anticipate resistance, we give her a sense of ownership. For instance, when we set up a chore chart, we involved her in the discussion, allowing her to help create the list. Even though we had the final say, she felt a sense of control and ownership.
- Avoid Comparisons: Every child is unique in their temperament and behavior. Some kids adapt more easily, while others are more rigid. Just because your child isn’t as compliant as another doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. My daughter, for example, has always been assertive, and that’s part of who she is.
- Understand Their Potential: Many strong-willed kids grow up to be powerful, confident adults—think leaders, activists, and innovators. While it can be exhausting when your future trailblazer is a toddler, try to see the potential in their fierce determination.
- Show Unconditional Love: My strong-willed daughter also craves affection, but she doesn’t always ask for it. I make it a point to initiate cuddles and playful moments, which sometimes helps calm those stormy outbursts.
- Manage Your Own Frustration: I’ve learned that if I respond with frustration during conflicts, it only escalates the situation. Keeping a level head and practicing mindful parenting has helped tremendously. Plus, remember that stubbornness can come from at least one parent (I won’t name names), so a little empathy can go a long way.
As I look ahead to her tween and teen years, I’m bracing myself for new challenges. I hope that, no matter how much she tests the limits, she knows she can always come to us to work through her feelings. My goal is to teach her how to manage her strong emotions while assuring her that she is loved for the remarkable, passionate person she is.
If you’re interested in more parenting tips and ideas, check out this article. Also, for those looking for fertility resources, Make a Mom is a great authority on the subject. And for an in-depth look at artificial insemination, this Wikipedia page is an excellent resource.
Summary
Parenting a strong-willed child can be a journey filled with challenges but also immense joy. By providing choices, avoiding comparisons, recognizing their potential, offering love, and managing your own reactions, you can create a nurturing environment that allows your child to thrive.