Dear Friend, It’s Time to Talk

home insemination Kit

Hey there, my friend,

I’ve reached a real breaking point with you, and it’s time to talk. I’ve listened to your requests for me to hit the gym with you, and I’ve held my tongue when you read the nutrition label on the ice cream. I’ve even had my own moments of tears when you questioned why I wanted both desserts. I’ve tried to see your concern about my health as a sign of love, but today, I just can’t carry that burden anymore.

Understanding My Relationship with Food

Here’s the thing: I’ve never had a typical relationship with food, and I need you to really grasp that. I can give you time to think it over and ask questions, but I can’t explain it endlessly. At some point, you’ll have to accept this part of me.

I know you want me to be healthy and live a long life for our future together, but honestly, I’m doing just fine. My health isn’t in jeopardy, and I’m not about to drop dead anytime soon. Every time you express your desire for me to be healthy, I feel pressured, and it doesn’t motivate me like you think it does. It actually triggers me. If you’re not sure what I mean by triggers, just ask—I’m happy to share.

The Impact of Dieting Suggestions

For example, when you suggest I join you for a Whole30 challenge, it’s not the program itself that bothers me. It’s the rush of excitement my brain gets thinking about dieting again. I spiral into overthinking, wondering how to take it to the next level, and it becomes an obsession. While you worry about my weight leading to health issues, I’m terrified of any dieting because a doctor advised against it long ago.

My Journey with Eating Disorders

An eating disorder is a mental health struggle, and while you might see me as an unhealthy person, you don’t know the battles I’ve faced in my mind. I weigh 200 pounds, and I don’t even like mayonnaise, but the best part for me is that I’m not scared of food anymore. I can enjoy meals without obsessing over the last piece of bruschetta or counting calories. I can dance and walk freely, without worrying about burning calories. I can wake up and not dread the thought of ruining my diet because I’m not on one.

Acceptance and Love

What I absolutely cannot do is restrict myself again. I can’t take comments about my eating habits, and I can’t be next to someone who doesn’t find every part of me attractive. If you don’t love all 200 pounds of me, then you can’t have any part of me.

I’ve never been small, and I don’t want to be. My personality has always been larger than life, and I’ve learned to embrace that. But I’ve been pressured to shrink before, and I did it—only to end up thin, but also sick and unhappy. I’d rather stay at my current size, jiggling while I dance, than live in fear of food every moment of the day.

Choosing Self-Love Over Societal Standards

I’d prefer to be single than fit into a mold of what society thinks I should be. Yes, I’d rather be healthy and whole than fit some prize standard. For years, I didn’t feel at home in my own skin because I was constantly trying to change it. Now, I’ve finally found that home within myself again. I love my body, and I love how far I’ve come.

Aligning Our Perspectives

When you look at me, you may see someone who doesn’t care about health, but I see strength, sexuality, and healing. We have to align our perspectives if we want to move forward together. If you can’t appreciate all 200 pounds of me, then I can’t be with you. I’ve spent 15 years working to feel complete, and I refuse to give that away.

With love,
Your confident partner embracing every fabulous inch of me.

Additional Resources

If you’re interested in more about home insemination, check out this post on intracervical insemination for some helpful insights. For those looking into artificial insemination options, Cryobaby is a great resource. And if you’re curious about pregnancy, the NICHD has some excellent information.

Conclusion

In summary, this piece discusses the author’s struggle with body image and food, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance and the challenges of external pressures regarding health and weight. It underscores the need for mutual understanding in relationships, especially when it comes to personal struggles with self-image.