10 Requests for My Husband if I’m Not Around Anymore

home insemination Kit

Sitting in the carpool lane gives a mom a lot of time to ponder. Is it taco night or pasta? Are those yoga pants still acceptable for public wear? And when will the neighbors complain about the wild jungle that is now my front yard? Unfortunately, it also leads to thoughts of darker scenarios, like what happens if I suddenly leave this world, leaving my husband to raise our three wild kids alone.

While I trust that he’d manage (I can already picture them all as future football stars), I worry about the little things. Who will teach them the intricacies of hair care? Or how to stretch those yoga pants through a week of wear? And seriously, who’s going to remember to keep the house in order? So, to help him navigate this daunting task, I’ve compiled a list of ten requests I’d like him to consider in case I have an unexpected meeting with the great beyond. This might not hold up legally, but I know my sister-in-law will help ensure my wishes are respected.

Dear Sam,

1. Feed the Kids: Please make sure our children eat three meals a day. Use whatever methods necessary—bribery, threats, whatever works. They can be sneaky. Just last week, I found a piece of broccoli hidden in the couch cushions! Remember, mustard packets and a can of soda don’t count as a proper meal.
2. Dental Hygiene is Key: Tooth brushing is non-negotiable. Twice daily, and yes, with toothpaste. Trust me, you’ll want to sniff their breath afterward. I refuse to let them start college with cavities.
3. Regular Baths: Aim for baths every other day. And soap is a must! If that fails, a quick trip to the pool with a bar of soap wouldn’t hurt.
4. Hair Matters: Make sure their hair is brushed regularly. I once returned from my grandparents’ house with a nest in my hair that could house a family of birds. Check for lice while you’re at it!
5. Believe Them: When a child says they need to use the bathroom, take them seriously. No exceptions.
6. Toilet Paper 101: Remember how to replace the toilet paper roll. It’s easy—squeeze the ends and pull!
7. Limit Screen Time: I’d prefer they watch educational shows, but I know you’re not a fan of kids’ programming. Just please, no ghost shows unless you want them sleeping in your bed for the next decade.
8. Nap Priority: Naps come before everything else—meetings, errands, even natural disasters. Try to help them rest, even if it’s chaos outside.
9. Pay the Bills: Please keep up with the bills. I know you have your views about utilities, but let’s not test my credit score, okay?
10. About Me: I’ve mentioned my final wishes before. I better not hear you say you plan to toss me in a river! I want a spectacular send-off—think slideshow, music, and maybe even a celebrity guest or two. Jon Hamm would be nice!

And one last thing: as you move forward, if you start chatting with other women, just remember I’m always around, watching. But don’t let that stop you from finding happiness again.

Love,
Me

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In summary, it’s essential to have a plan in place to support your loved ones in case of unforeseen circumstances. These requests serve as a humorous yet practical guide for anyone juggling parenting duties.