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When Your Friendships Are All Surface-Level, Not Deep
I suppose a lot of this is on me. In my life, it often feels like my friendships are all about the surface, lacking any real depth. As a busy parent, I’m constantly juggling the chaos of raising kids and planning ahead. I find myself knee-deep in packing lunches, browsing the fridge for meal ideas, and answering a barrage of spontaneous questions: “Can I play video games?” “Can we go outside?” “Can we go to the pool?”
When it’s time to head out, I often look down and realize I haven’t even changed out of my pajamas because I’ve been so focused on everyone else’s needs. I always put myself last.
The same is true when it comes to my friendships. Sure, you’d think it would be easy to chat with another mom at the park, but it often feels so awkward. By the time I muster the courage to start a conversation, something always interrupts—whether it’s a scraped knee or kids running off in different directions. You might exchange numbers, but trying to coordinate schedules is a nightmare, and no one wants to come off as desperate.
On days when the kids drive me up the wall, I convince my partner to take over for a bit so I can get some alone time. But where do I even go? I don’t have close friends to hang out with or anywhere that doesn’t break the bank. So I just drive around aimlessly until I end up at Sonic, treating myself to a cup of ice cream—the real deal, not frozen yogurt. And as I sit there enjoying the peace, I notice I’m not alone; there are plenty of moms like me parked in their minivans, savoring a moment of solitude.
Honestly, if I didn’t rely on social media for some form of connection, I’d probably delete it. It consumes so much of my time but also provides that little bit of interaction I crave. I miss the solid friendships I had back home. Growing up in a big, lively family meant I was never really alone. Now, I’m far away from that support system, left with just my 7-year-old son as my closest companion. He’s great, but I know he won’t always want to be my social outlet.
I greet many moms in the church hallways, but that’s often where it stops. It feels like we’re at a middle school dance—everyone too shy to make the first move. I worry about the “what-ifs”—what if we don’t click? What if our kids don’t get along? What if they judge my parenting style? I know I need to step up and take initiative, but the thought of letting someone in feels daunting. It’s easier to just remain isolated, even if that means ending up alone at Sonic.
In summary, navigating friendships as a busy parent can feel overwhelming and isolating. We often find ourselves longing for deeper connections but struggling to break through the surface-level interactions. The reality is, many of us are in the same boat, parked next to each other in our minivans, just trying to find a moment of peace amidst the chaos of parenting. For more on parenting and social connections, check out one of our other blog posts here.