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Finding My Friend
At 38, I’ve finally figured out the kind of friendships that resonate with me. You’d think I would have had it all sorted by high school, but that wasn’t the case. Back then, I felt more like an extra than a leading character in my own life—always the “and” in “You should come to my party, and she can come too, I guess.” Some people told me otherwise, but that was my reality in every social setting.
When I got to college, I met my alterna-chick roommate who blasted Tori Amos and occasionally snipped her hair when she was feeling blue. She wasn’t my type, but I admired her music taste. I tried hanging out with sorority girls but couldn’t fathom paying for friendship, especially with so many fun things to explore in New Orleans. I spent time with beautiful girls who didn’t see their worth, and in a world where everyone was either starving or throwing up, I realized I didn’t fit there either. I loved them but knew I couldn’t love them enough, so I moved on after graduation.
Then I landed in Boston, where I met my first strong female friend who taught me I didn’t have to dim my intellect to attract guys and saved me from some bad relationships. Unfortunately, our friendship faded when I moved to Connecticut; I was asking for too much and giving too little. When she got married and had a baby, I wasn’t sure how to fit into her new life.
Everything changed when I became a mom. While picking up my daughter from preschool, I encountered a fierce mama named Jenna, who was pregnant with her second child, in the middle of moving houses, and had a fiery attitude. I was intimidated but intrigued. She shot me a glance, muttered something, and walked away with her kid.
Slowly, we started chatting. I’d see her at pickups and birthday parties. We exchanged snarky comments, and when she laughed heartily at one of my jokes, I knew I had found the friend I had been searching for. She had wild curls, zero pretenses, a thirst for challenges, and the sharpest B.S. detector I’d ever met.
I’ve seen people who have lifelong friends or always surround themselves with others. But as an adult and a mom, my time is precious. Discovering Jenna has helped me identify the kind of women I want in my life and the woman I aspire to be. Since meeting her, I’ve surrounded myself with strong, opinionated, intelligent women, and I’ve never been happier.
Jenna may not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. I’m an enthusiastic hugger, while she’s more selective about who she hugs. I’m the spontaneous one; she’s the planner. Yet, together we hold nothing back. I know if I forget juice for my kids at the park, she’ll have extras on hand. And when she’s feeling overwhelmed, I can always ease her stress with a glass of wine and laughter.
Most importantly, since meeting Jenna, I’ve discovered more about myself. I’m fiercer than I ever was before. My confidence has soared in my career and as a mother. I’m writing more than I ever thought possible and becoming the best version of myself.
High school friendships made me insecure, college friends left me confused, and friendships in my 20s were just fun. But it’s my mom friends who are helping me navigate the most rewarding and challenging times of my life. Motherhood can feel isolating and lonely, but with Jenna, I’ve found a partner who’s always ready with an extra juice (or glass of wine) just for me.
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Summary:
At 38, I finally discovered the type of friendships that fulfill me, particularly through my connection with a strong mom named Jenna. Our differences complement each other, and through our friendship, I’ve gained confidence, rediscovered my passions, and found the support I need in motherhood.