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Turning 40 Without My Parents: Reflections on Life and Loss
Hey there, friends! So, I’m about to hit the big 4-0 in just a few months. Honestly, it feels surreal that the two people who brought me into this world won’t be around to celebrate this milestone. Both my parents passed away while I was in my late 30s, and now I find myself stepping into the role of the oldest generation in my family. It’s a strange place to be, especially when I see friends celebrating their parents’ retirements or making plans to take care of them.
Here’s what I’ve gathered so far from this unexpected journey:
- Life Is Unpredictable: You can make all the plans you want, but let’s be real—you have no idea what’s coming next. Just five years ago, I was pregnant with my second child and starting a new job that I thought would be my ticket out of the newspaper grind. I wasn’t thrilled about being so far from my family, but I figured I’d sort it out eventually. Then, in the fall of 2010, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV ovarian cancer. She kept it a secret, but the doctors told her she’d have two years. Sadly, they were right. She passed away just over two years later, and my dad followed not long after. At 35, I thought I had plenty of time left with them, but I was taking so much for granted.
- It Can Be Too Late for Some Things: I hate to be blunt, but if you know you’re acting like a jerk and you keep doing it, just stop already. I’ve spent a lot of time with a fantastic therapist, and she once told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty if my dad’s passing came with some relief. I always hoped we’d have a better relationship, but that’s just not in the cards. I miss his kindness and humor, but I don’t miss the constant frustration. If you have a chance to mend things with a loved one, do it. Don’t wait.
- Perspective Is Key: Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I remind myself of the saying, “Someone else is happier with less than you have.” My situation isn’t a tragedy. I had both my parents until my mid-30s, they walked me down the aisle, and they held my babies. That’s a pretty good run compared to what others face. I have immense respect for those who navigate the loss of a parent or even worse—like losing a spouse or child. They are the real warriors.
- Take Care of Yourself: This is another gem I gleaned from my therapist. Somewhere along the way, I picked up the notion that the person with the most stress or the least sleep is the winner in adulthood. If you’re working long hours and it fulfills you, that’s awesome. But if you’re just trudging through life, and that little voice in your head is saying, “This isn’t what I want,” it’s time for a change. Earlier this year, I was lucky enough to shift from a full-time job to freelance writing, and while it’s had its ups and downs, I feel like I’m finally on the right path. Life is too short to settle.
As I approach this new decade, I’m trying to live with a sense of urgency because, honestly, there’s no guarantee of tomorrow. So, let’s make the most of what we have!
If you want to dive deeper into topics like this, check out this post from one of our other blogs. And if you’re curious about home insemination methods, this resource is super informative. Also, if you’re looking for solid information on pregnancy and fertility, this podcast is a must-listen!
Summary
Turning 40 without my parents has been a journey of reflection and growth. Life is unpredictable, relationships can be complicated, and taking care of yourself is vital. Even amidst loss, we can find a way to appreciate the time we had and prioritize our well-being moving forward.