Loving My Kids, But Dreading Birthday Bashes

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It’s not that I’m against celebrations altogether. We splurge on Halloween costumes (trust me, homemade outfits for three kids can really add up). We deck out our house with seasonal decorations, from window clings to cute scarecrows by the mailbox, and yes, even a twinkling wooden reindeer. Our closets are overflowing with Disney princess nightgowns and we’ve even ventured into the world of matching outfits with American Girl dolls. But when it comes to inviting the whole class to a party at a noisy venue with mediocre pizza? No thanks. I admit this with a hint of guilt, but it’s the truth.

I want my kids to always know that I was overjoyed on the day they were born. But throwing a party with friends they don’t even like, in a place I can’t control, led by teen staff singing “Happy Birthday”? That doesn’t feel like a true celebration to me. We end up with a pile of random gifts that make no sense. Picture a stressed-out parent at the toy store, asking their kid, “What should we get her?” and the kid just shrugs, leading to a $46 toy or a $7 My Little Pony that turns up three times on the gift table, making everyone feel awkward.

I took my youngest to a party at a Zumba studio once. My partner and I had basically bartered who would go and what the other would owe in return. I was taken aback when the host mom welcomed us, chatted with my daughter, and then said to me, “You can leave! We’ll be done in 90 minutes.” I was dumbfounded. “Wait, you don’t want me to stick around?” I asked.

“Are you kidding? If I could have 90 minutes to myself, I’d run out of here! Parties can be a drag, but the kids will have a blast dancing, eating cake, and then sleep like angels for you! Enjoy yourself! Thanks for coming,” she replied with the biggest, most genuine smile I’d ever seen from a fellow parent at a party.

I stepped outside into the warm Saturday sun, practically greeting the birds in delight—I felt so free! I wish it didn’t seem so unconventional that I’m not into throwing extravagant parties.

My girls will always have their special day, but I don’t want them to grow up thinking they need grand celebrations to feel loved. At the end of the day, kids just want to run around, feel special, and blow out candles. And honestly, I don’t need a spa day; sometimes all I need is a peaceful walk to recharge.

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In summary, I love my kids and cherish their birthdays, but I prefer to celebrate in ways that feel genuine and manageable, without the fuss of big parties.