Reimagined Love Songs for Midlife Marriages

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Let’s kick things off in the family minivan. With kids who blast tunes from former Disney stars, I find myself jamming to pop radio a lot more than I’d ever expected. Honestly, I don’t mind the current pop scene; some of it’s catchy. But when I hear tracks like Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song,” I can’t help but think, where are the love anthems for couples in their 40s?

Now, don’t get hung up on the fact that I’m 38. Sure, some of the older ladies might say, “You’re still so young!” Meanwhile, my friends insist we’re not middle-aged—40 is practically the new 29. But let’s be real; if you find yourself more thrilled about a hot cup of coffee than a romantic evening, you’re starting to feel me.

There are perks to being seasoned. If we’ve made it to midlife and are still married, we understand each other’s quirks. He knows that his aching back can complicate things, and I’m not slipping into something lacy anymore, but if he’s ready to slide my oversized T-shirt off, then we’re in business. It’s not all candlelit dinners and sultry glances, but we’ve definitely mastered the art of finding those sweet spots—especially when we’ve got a limited window before the kids or pets come barging in.

This is why pop love songs often miss the mark for me. And it doesn’t help that I’ve seen Selena Gomez charm my kids as a teen wizard on TV. Take her “Love You Like a Love Song” lyrics: “You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible / A centerfold, miracle, lyrical / You saved my life again.” That’s cute and all, but it feels like it’s meant for a different life stage—one where we’re still figuring out our dating game.

So, here’s my take on a more fitting version: “Love You Like a Grocery Run”:

I forgot the milk,
So you saved me again by picking some up.
While you’re out, grab some PB too,
Yes, another jar for the kids when lunchtime hits.
You’re my lifesaver, ‘cause I’ve been to the store twice today,
Dependable and huggable,
Marital bliss on display.
When you get home, babe,
Let’s binge-watch something—maybe.

[Chorus]
I, I love you for grabbing a gallon,
I, I love you for grabbing a gallon,
I, I love you for grabbing a gallon,
So I’ll be rubbing your feet-feet-feet-feet-feet-feet.

And it’s not just Selena stuck in my head—if you’re into Taylor Swift (who isn’t?), you’ve heard “Blank Space,” a dramatic take on dating that feels more like a distant memory for us older folks. Sure, it’s catchy, but the fantasy of “Grab your passport and my hand / I could make the bad guys good for a weekend” is so not relatable when you’ve got kids, pets, and houseplants to tend to. Our blank spaces are now filled with books we’ve yet to read and naps we sorely miss.

So, what’s a song we midlife ladies can truly jam to? How about “Blank Stare”:

I can’t find it. Where’s it gone?
Left my libido somewhere, I swear.
Nightstand? Closet? My old push-up bra?
I used to be eager, oh my God,
This isn’t me; yesterday, I was 20.
Sex drive has drifted away—
New panties ‘cause I try.
I read about this in a magazine,
“How to Please an Aging Guy,”
And I know it’s about both you and I.
So hey, let’s stretch first,
Surely it can’t get any worse than that time
We tried that swing and I couldn’t stand straight!

[Pre-Chorus]
This is gonna last forever,
Or maybe it’s just perimenopause.
Want to nap till it’s over;
Think some lube could aid our cause.
Got a long list of desires,
But none in my loins.
And I know you’d love some fire
Down in my groin.

[Chorus]
‘Cause we’re older than we once were;
A hammy pull is a real concern.
But I’m your madam, you’re my sir,
So lock that bedroom door.
Got a long list of new ailments,
Hormonal, not insane!
Explains this blank stare, baby,
Let’s give it another shot.

If you’re looking for something to groove to, consider Marvin Gaye’s “Let’s Get It On.” It starts with “I’ve been really tryin’, baby,” which perfectly captures the essence of midlife intimacy. And remember, one major perk of getting older is not having to explain to a younger partner what they’re doing wrong.

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In summary, as we navigate the nuances of midlife marriage, it’s time to embrace our experiences and find humor in our relationships. Let’s create our own love songs that reflect where we are now, because love at this stage can be just as sweet—if not sweeter—than in our youth.