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Empowering Our Kids Through the Value of Failure
Have you ever thought about how we, as parents, might be unintentionally holding our kids back? That was the big revelation for educator and mom, Sarah Morgan, author of The Gift of Learning Through Failure. After spending years in the classroom and raising her children, she realized that, despite our best intentions, we’ve taught a whole generation to fear failure. By doing this, Sarah argues, we’ve actually obstructed their path to true success.
Our goal as parents is to nurture independence, competence, and a love for learning in our kids. But instead, many of us often create a safety net that prevents them from truly learning. We tend to smooth out the bumps in their path and assume they have plenty of time to figure things out before adulthood. It feels rewarding to help our children and do things for them, even when a little voice in our heads whispers that we might be doing more harm than good.
For instance, to help my son, I put up a big dry-erase board above his desk where he could list all his assignments. I thought that if he could see everything laid out, he couldn’t ignore his responsibilities. But here’s the catch: I constantly reminded him to update it and check it, so he never really took full ownership. When he went off to college and I wasn’t there to nag him, he misjudged due dates and stumbled a bit. I knew the board was meant to help him take charge, but my need to help often got in the way.
Recognizing her own struggles, Sarah and her husband decided to change their approach. They stopped rescuing their kids from mistakes and began assigning age-appropriate responsibilities. Sarah felt it was crucial to sacrifice the immediate satisfaction of helping her kids for the long-term benefits of raising self-sufficient adults.
Then came the tough moment: her younger son forgot an important homework assignment on the coffee table. She could easily drop it off since she’d be at the school later on. But the tough part? Not doing it. She shared on social media how challenging this whole “letting my kids mess up” thing was.
One of her followers pushed back, arguing that since her son had done his homework, she should help him out. Sarah included this perspective in her writing: “I admire you, but I wouldn’t do this. I forget things too! I would happily take the homework to school.”
But Sarah had a thoughtful response. She pointed out that when we take on responsibilities for our kids, we send a message that they aren’t capable or trustworthy, and we foster dependence rather than independence.
I’d love to say that I’ve mastered this parenting philosophy, but I can’t. I did run forgotten gym clothes and projects to school, and now my son is in college, calling me to ask when I’ll visit next because he forgot a few things at home. Even as he’s becoming more independent, Sarah’s insights are prompting me to reflect on my own actions as a parent. I’ve been guilty of not allowing my son to experience failure.
It’s a tough lesson, but Sarah’s book is a valuable resource for parents. It reminds us that our role is not solely about ensuring our children’s immediate happiness or success, but about nurturing capable adults who can navigate life on their own.
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In summary, empowering our kids to embrace failure can lead them to greater independence and success in the long run. It’s a tough lesson, but one worth learning as parents.