The 8 (Real) Stages of Growing a Baby Belly Bump

Why do celebrities make pregnancy look so effortless? Seriously, can we just put an end to that? They look stunning all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. For me, that was a different story. I have two kids, a boy and a girl, and let me tell you, it wasn’t always about that perfect baby bump and stylish maternity outfits. Oh no, there were definitely a few stages in the “growing a baby belly” journey that I would have preferred to skip. If you’ve ever brought a human into this world, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Just as there are stages in your baby’s growth, your belly goes through its own transformations.

Stage One

I’m pregnant!! Time to dive into all the tips for preventing stretch marks, stock up on cocoa butter, go on a maternity shopping spree, and take some final snapshots of my pre-baby belly for Instagram. A beautiful new life is blossoming inside me. I’m basically Mother Nature!

Stage Two

Okay, it’s been three months, where’s the baby bump? Seriously, WHERE IS IT? I feel completely drained and nauseous, yet I have no visible sign of the little one wreaking havoc on my body. SHOW ME THE BELLY!

Stage Three

I know I wanted a belly, but what is this? This isn’t a baby bump; it’s just extra pudge. I look overweight. People are glancing at me as if they’re unsure whether to congratulate me or offer me a donut. This is not what I envisioned. #NotFair
I guess the only logical thing to do is to post on Instagram with fruit that matches the size of my baby next to my chubby belly to prove I’m pregnant.

Stage Four

The belly has arrived!! I HAVE POPPED, and the baby is finally showing! Look at my gorgeous belly! I’m totally owning this pregnancy thing.

Stage Five

Uh, can we stop the belly growth now? Seriously. I was prepared for a bump, but this is excessive. I still have two months left, and everyone keeps asking if I’m having twins. I AM NOT HAVING TWINS! SHUT UP AND WE ARE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE.
I just can’t get any bigger than this. I’ll probably go into labor early. Yep, that’s it, early baby.

Stage Six

It’s official: someone call the museum, because I’ve become a walking sculpture. Is the doctor sure I’m not having twins? I look like I’m carrying a small army! And my belly is moving a lot. Stop that, it’s creepy. What is happening in there?!
Also, those stupid cocoa butter bottles? They lied! I have stretch marks from here to kingdom come, and even my boobs seem to have doubled in size. I want my money back. #Ripoff

Stage Seven

Oh. My. Gosh. Send help. I had the baby… I think. I mean, I definitely felt everything that comes with childbirth, but I still look pregnant… sort of. My belly is huge and wobbly, like a deflated muffin top filled with jello.
I’m going to be stuck in maternity clothes forever, and if anyone dares to post a picture of me on social media, I will lose it.

Stage Eight (and one year later)

Well, hello there belly. I think I remember you from way back when, but now you’ve got a slightly different shape and what some moms lovingly call “tiger stripes” (I’ve earned them). You still look pretty good considering everything you’ve been through.
So, belly… how about another tenant? I hear baby bumps are in vogue these days.

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In summary, the journey of growing a baby bump is filled with ups and downs, from excitement and anticipation to unexpected changes and challenges. Each stage brings its own set of experiences, making it a unique adventure for every mom-to-be.