Updated: Feb. 19, 2021
Originally Published: Aug. 14, 2015
I discovered a different kind of hustle at the roller rink. Not the shady kind, but the dance kind. For those not in the know, the Hustle was a popular dance back in the day. We’d ditch our skates right in the middle of the rink and bust a move until the refs—who, let’s be honest, were always a bit grumpy—would come over and force us to either skate or clear the floor. Unless you were lucky enough to have a ref named Greg; those guys were always chill.
Let’s be real, we were all pretty great skaters. We could groove to “Jungle Boogie” and spin around during “Wildfire.” I mean, if you’re my age, those were the jams. I bet you younger folks were more into Snoop Dogg or the Spice Girls or something like that. But I promise, our dancing was way better.
Returning to the rink as an adult taught me a big lesson: just because something was a blast when you were younger doesn’t mean it’s going to be fun as an adult. Take, for instance, the idea of taking your tween skating. Sounds like a great time, right? You could finally show off your skills and be the “cool” mom in her eyes.
But then reality hits before you even lace up those skates. They smell like a combo of old gym socks, cheap chips, and something unidentifiable. Sure, squeezing your feet into stinky skates is bad, but it’s nothing compared to the actual act of skating. Your hips start twitching, and not in a cute way; more like, “Please, don’t let me fall and break a hip.” The skating rink floor feels way more slippery than you remember, and after just one shaky lap, you’re sweating buckets and your face is turning a shade of red that might be classified as an emergency.
Not only are you worried about skate funk permeating your shoes, but you also start to realize that “cool mom” status is slipping away. You end up sitting in a plastic booth, munching on stale nachos without even any jalapeños to make it better. And let’s not even talk about the tortilla chips that somehow ended up in your cleavage.
Remember the thrill of a couples skate? The lights would dim and girls would line up along one wall, hoping to be chosen by one of the boys gliding by. The moment the most popular kid, let’s call him Jake, would stop in front of you and offer his hand was pure bliss, even if it only lasted a couple of songs.
As a mom, though, it’s a different story. You start questioning why the girls line up and wait to be picked. Shouldn’t it be a two-way street? And let’s face it, the last thing you want is for your daughter to be left hanging against the wall, feeling rejected. As you wrestle with these thoughts, you retreat to the concession stand for a soft pretzel and a blue slushy.
Then you catch a glimpse of your daughter, hand in hand with some boy who doesn’t deserve her. While you feel her anxiety about potential rejection, there’s no joy in hand-holding for you; instead, you’re trying not to grimace as you watch your little girl skate and touch a boy. You start to question every decision you’ve ever made, from the length of her shorts to the very fact that you taught her to walk and talk. For a brief moment, you even ponder how not potty training her could’ve saved you from this hormonal chaos.
You remember those roller rink nights ending way too soon when you were young. Now, as an adult, it takes only 90 minutes before the smell of sweat and the blaring Top 40 hits make you want to stage a one-woman riot in the place.
On the drive home, as your daughter and her friends chatter away, completely forgetting you’re in the car, you feel a mix of amusement and disbelief. Their energy is contagious, and you can’t help but count this outing as a win, even if you’re not eager to repeat it any time soon.
But then you remember your daughter’s interest in a hip-hop concert. Now that’s a chance to be the cool mom without having to deal with those nasty rental skates! And hey, that time you took her to see that pop star wasn’t too bad. How much worse could a hip-hop show be?
In short, roller rinks are a reminder that what once seemed fun in our youth can turn into a whole different experience as adults. If you’re looking for more engaging content, check out this article on home insemination or learn about in vitro fertilization for some other insightful reading.
Summary
This piece reflects on the stark contrast between childhood memories of roller skating and the often harsh reality of revisiting those experiences as an adult. It humorously captures the challenges of parenting, the feelings of nostalgia, and the awkwardness surrounding growing up, all while hinting at the desire to remain a “cool” mom.