Confronting the Birthday Blues: Reflections on Turning 42

As I approach my 42nd birthday, I can feel that familiar urge to raid the pantry, but this year, I’m determined to kick those Birthday Blues to the curb. So here I am, the day before I officially hit 42, ready to reflect on how this year is set to be twice as rewarding as when I turned 21.

The Romanticized Past

Isn’t it funny how we tend to romanticize our younger years as a time filled with carefree joy? Truth be told, I was kind of a hot mess back then. Of course, I didn’t see it that way at the time.

Lessons from My Twenties

In my twenties, I thought I was invincible. I backpacked solo through Europe, journeyed across Australia, and took on jobs in states I had never even laid eyes on. I climbed the Alps and dove into the Red Sea. But honestly, I was scared of just about everything.

I worried I’d never find my true calling, so I answered every career opportunity that came my way, trying out new jobs like they were different outfits. I feared I’d end up alone, so I clung to all the wrong relationships. I doubted my worthiness of love and often made myself unlovable. I pushed my physical limits because I was afraid of not being strong enough. I thought I hadn’t had enough fun, so I went overboard (not a major regret, to be honest). I pretended to be an expert because I was terrified of not knowing enough. I feared making mistakes, so I seldom admitted when I was wrong. I envied what others had, worried I’d never have enough, and struggled with self-acceptance.

Embracing My Forties

Now, as I navigate my forties, I’ve realized I’m not fearless, but I do fear less. I understand that finding my calling requires more listening and less talking; you can’t drown out your inner voice, so why try? I recognize that you don’t need to be perfect to find the right partner—embracing your imperfections can actually lead to deeper connections. I’ve come to appreciate the deep, unconditional love a parent has for their child, and how nothing can change that bond.

Strength, I’ve learned, comes not just from our actions but also from how we respond to situations we can’t control. Watching my friend Jenna’s mother bravely fight cancer and return to work without missing a beat, while her father, unable to walk, lives life joyfully with no complaints, has taught me so much.

On the Quest for Fun

I’m still on a quest for more fun, and I’ll keep you updated on that front! I’ve gathered enough life experiences to know that I don’t know it all—my kids remind me daily! Admitting “I don’t know” has helped me let go of the need for perfection. I find myself often mediating between my kids, reminding them how powerful the words “I’m sorry” and “please forgive me” can be.

Letting Go of Envy

While I still find myself admiring friends’ beautiful homes or their seemingly perfect lives, I’ve mostly stopped yearning for what others have. I’ve come to believe that God doesn’t give us what we want; He provides what we need to grow. Whether faced with joy or sorrow, success or failure, it’s always enough.

Recognizing My Worth

And perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned is that I am enough, flaws and all. Sure, I still have fears—after all, nothing emphasizes the dangers of the world quite like bringing a child into it. I worry about speeding cars in our neighborhood and lurking dangers online, but more than that, I fear not having enough time with my loved ones. I’m working on making the most of that time and cherishing it deeply.

Looking Ahead

So as I turn 42, these are the fears I plan to tackle. Just wait—by the time I reach 84, I might have it all figured out!

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Conclusion

In summary, turning 42 has led me to embrace my fears, recognize my worth, and appreciate the love surrounding me. This year, I’m focusing on being present and enjoying the journey, one day at a time.