Selling a Kidney for Madonna Tickets

home insemination Kit

My lifelong infatuation with Madonna ignited at a young age and has only grown stronger. Like many of you, I performed my first dance routine to “Lucky Star.” Critics might have doubted my devotion, but here I am, still in awe of my childhood idol. Her album Rebel Heart is undoubtedly her best work, and as I see teasers for her upcoming tour, I find myself in a panic trying to figure out how to afford those nearly $1,000 tickets. I mean, pole-dancing nuns? That’s got to be for “Holy Water.” I simply can’t miss it!

These days, as a stay-at-home mom to a toddler, my budget doesn’t exactly allow for Madonna tickets. I know, poor planning on my part. How did I not set up an emergency fund for Madonna before having kids?

What Would Madonna Do (WWMD)?

I’ve brainstormed a few ways to scrape together some cash for those coveted lower-tier seats (complete with a memorabilia T-shirt, of course):

1. Maybe I should consider elimination communication. If I ditch the diapers, I could save $45 a box! The downside? Being on constant poop patrol might make it hard to pursue any of those work-at-home gigs I saw on Pinterest.
2. I gave online surveys a shot through Swagbucks, but the payout feels like it’ll take forever and is only in Starbucks cards. Pretty sure Madonna wouldn’t perform for a lifetime supply of coffee.
3. How about selling some stuff on eBay? I’ve got roller skates, a wetsuit, and even a pair of Louboutin pumps. But let’s be honest, I’d probably end up with about $6 after shipping and debating the authenticity of my scuffed red soles.
4. I could try GoFundMe or Kickstarter. Do people actually donate to totally self-indulgent causes? Would my friends think I was joking about my fundraising efforts—like when they didn’t invite Madonna to my baby shower? She was on my must-invite list!
5. Auctioning my out-of-print copy of Sex might fetch some cash, but what true Madonna fan would part with that gem? It’s so bad it’s good.
6. Honestly, selling a kidney is starting to look like my best bet.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on my Madonna journey. Growing up, I missed the Like a Virgin Tour while my friends donned white lace and crosses. I was green with envy. When HBO aired the Blonde Ambition and The Girlie Show tours, I got a taste of what I was missing. My dream was to see her live, but it felt out of reach.

Yet, the universe had a surprise for me. A friend took me to the Confessions Tour, and I sobbed like I’d just won a beauty pageant. Seeing Madonna up close, feeling the electric energy in the venue—it was life-changing. I vowed to never miss another show again!

When Hard Candy dropped, I flew to Vegas with my best friend and returned home with a Sticky & Sweet Tour jacket. Even while eight months pregnant, I waited till 10:30 p.m. for Madonna to take the stage—no regrets!

But here I am, facing the heartbreak of possibly missing what promises to be the most epic Madonna concert yet. I know selling organs is illegal in the U.S., and even if I could sell a kidney, I’m holding onto mine for my kids. Like Madonna, being a mom comes first.

We’ve watched Madonna evolve, challenge norms, and inspire social change while encouraging us to dance to our own beat. So this time, I’ll have to sit it out, but I’ll always keep the Queen’s music close to my heart. And who knows, I might just be hunting for a scalper come October.

For more insights on the journey of home insemination and pregnancy, check out this excellent resource on IUI and take a look at this post for more tips.

In summary, while my dream to see Madonna live may be on hold, my love for her music and impact remains ever strong. The struggle to balance motherhood and personal passion can be tough, but like Madonna, we keep pushing forward.