Your cart is currently empty!
A Space of Her Own
When my daughter transitioned from 12 to 13, I noticed something new. A sign appeared on her bedroom door: “PRIVATE. DO NOT ENTER!!!!!” It was adorned with colorful markers and cheerful daisy stickers, but the excess exclamation points made the message crystal clear.
Throughout her seventh-grade year, those signs evolved into even wittier declarations. Being a huge Dr. Who enthusiast, one read, “Enter at your own risk: Guarded by Daleks.” She even posted a comic-style list of ridiculous punishments for any brave soul who dared to intrude.
While she never complained when I occasionally walked in—forgetting to knock—I understood that the signs were her way of expressing her journey into adolescence. Her room had transformed into her own personal sanctuary, a “Room of Her Own,” Junior Edition.
Initially, I felt a pang of sadness at being shut out of my daughter’s childhood paradise. But then I realized: it’s essential for my daughters to have their own space. We’re incredibly fortunate to have each other, but we also need moments of solitude. As the saying goes, good fences make good neighbors, and our family dynamic benefits from a few closed doors.
My older daughter started this phase about two and a half years before her sister, closing her door each night. There were times when I knocked for ages, growing increasingly impatient when she didn’t respond. It was particularly frustrating since she often struggled to get up in the morning.
In exasperation, I found myself asking, “How can you lock me out and still need so much help?” I often wanted to ask, “Why wouldn’t you want me around?” But with my second daughter, I find it much easier to accept her locked doors and quirky signs. Having been through this once before, I’ve seen my older daughter emerge from those teenage tangles. Now almost 17, she no longer finds me embarrassing and is genuinely sweet about needing her space.
The second girl has a passion for writing, just like me. She spends hours creating the beginnings of fantastical tales featuring a blue-haired alien twist on Cinderella. At her age, she’s better at starting stories than finishing them, and she pours out song lyrics about heartbreaks she hasn’t yet experienced. So when she retreats to her room, I know it’s not to escape me, but to reconnect with herself. Like Virginia Woolf noted nearly a century ago, every woman who writes—even a young one—needs a place for her imagination to flourish.
I can relate, as I often seek quiet corners to write, away from household chores and work emails. Our home is a shared space—my husband and I are grateful for it—but sometimes I long for just one dedicated room to pen my thoughts. If I had that, I’d definitely hang a sign that reads: “KEEP OUT! WRITER AT WORK!!!!!!!!!” And it would be sticker-free.
I still pop into my daughters’ rooms from time to time, but with more experience under my belt as a mom of teens, I’m learning to balance my authority with their need for independence. Yes, they must help clean up after dinner and finish their homework before watching shows, but I’ve also recognized when to let them enjoy their solitude.
In two years, my first born will graduate high school. In five, my youngest will be 19. Soon, they’ll embark on their journeys into the world, ready to claim their own spaces and establish their lives. The signs will come down as they grow more confident in their individuality.
Without daughters to care for and wake up in the morning, I’ll finally have time to write. Yet, I know I’ll miss those playful signs on their doors.
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination and related topics, check out this blog post. For those looking to boost fertility, Make a Mom offers great resources. And for excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination, the CDC’s infertility statistics are worth a look.
Summary
As daughters grow into their teenage years, they often seek personal space, symbolized by signs on their doors. This transition can be bittersweet for parents, who must learn to balance authority with respect for their children’s independence. Ultimately, this journey of growth leads to a deeper understanding of the importance of solitude and creativity in both mothers and daughters.