I’m Raising My Daughters to Be Softies

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I can’t believe I’m saying this.

“If someone is bothering you, just politely ask them to stop.” Ughh—ugh—ugh Yep, that’s me, feeling nauseous. I hate that I’m advising my daughters to act like sweet little ladies when confronted with bullies. It’s like I’m throwing up over my own questionable parenting choices.

I’m raising my daughters to be softies. Oh, I mean cowards—just like me. There, that’s better. (Honestly, I’m such a softie that I didn’t even want to use “coward” in the title. Ugh.) I can talk a big game about being a fierce mom, but when it comes to real-life confrontation, I often freeze up. My voice gets swallowed by my nerves.

By giving my daughters these “wise words,” I’m teaching them to be timid and restrained. That’s going to work out great for them, right? Imagine this scenario, with gentle harp music playing in the background:

A kid is shoving my daughter down the slide. She’s scared of falling. Because I emphasize being polite, she turns around and sweetly says, “Hey, can you please stop pushing me?” And what happens? The other kid shoves her again, and bam—she ends up hurt.

Great job, Mom! I’m raising a pacifist. A victim. Apparently, being polite is more important than my child’s safety and confidence.

Like many women, I’ve been conditioned to be nice, even when I’m treated unfairly. I find myself being polite in situations where I really shouldn’t be. Often, I’m afraid—afraid of losing my job, my relationships, or my reputation. When someone treats me poorly, I often shrink back. I sell my courage to the wimpy devil.

And the worst part? I’m teaching my kids to be fearful too. I want to change that. Sure, I’ve stood up for myself when my coffee was overpriced, but what about the time a man cornered me at a rest stop while I was traveling alone with my kids? They heard his rude comments. They saw me panic and retreat. They didn’t see a strong mom; they saw me back down.

I want to raise strong, assertive daughters who won’t tolerate mistreatment, whether it’s in a relationship or at work. They should be empowered to speak out against harassment, even if it means facing shame like so many other women have.

Honestly, I’m ashamed to admit I’ve been a victim of harassment. Yes, I didn’t cause it, but I allowed it to happen repeatedly. In college, I met a guy who seemed so nice, helping me move in. But soon, he crossed the line and made me uncomfortable. Instead of standing up for myself, I fled home, terrified.

Then there were the workplace experiences—comments about my appearance and unfair treatment from bosses. I should’ve reported them, but I didn’t because I was scared of losing my job. I can’t let my daughters think it’s okay to accept that kind of treatment.

Now, in the age of social media, the harassment continues online. Negative comments can feel like a barrage of insults, and I often find myself hesitating to react strongly. Why do I stay polite? It’s easier to click “block” than to be nice to trolls, but I keep falling into that trap.

I’m ready to change. I need to stop giving my girls weak advice and instead teach them about empowerment. I want them to know how to assert themselves and where the “block” button is. No more raising softies in this house.

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In summary, I’m acknowledging my failures and committing to raising confident daughters who stand up for themselves instead of shrinking back. It’s time to shed the softie label and embrace assertiveness.