Saying Farewell to My Cherished Dog Like an Adult

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For over 12 years, she was my unwavering companion. I lived in San Francisco, then Seattle, Connecticut, back to Seattle, and finally Los Angeles, and she was by my side through it all. She witnessed breakups (she even saw one guy pack his things while another moved in), celebrated my wedding (she’s there in the photos), and met my newborn (she was baffled by that little squirmy creature). She was there for the happy times and the sad, like when I had to leave her behind to be with my grandmother in New York during her final moments.

As life unfolded, so did my relationship with her. She was always big, white, and a bit neurotic, with a heart full of love. But time took its toll. Her eyes grew cloudy, and she gained weight, taking on an almost grandmotherly shape. In her later years, the joyful runs turned into slow walks, and the last year was particularly tough; her dignity slowly faded as her body started to fail. She struggled with mobility and pain, even as we tried to ease her suffering.

The decision to say goodbye was gut-wrenching. On her final day, she managed to shuffle around with a soldier’s determination but was clearly in distress. I remember her trembling as the vet prepared to help her transition peacefully. Despite my desire to comfort her, I could see the fear in her eyes, and it broke my heart. When the sedative took effect, she finally found peace. I chose to let my young daughter stay in the room, but my tears made her uneasy, and she cried out, “I don’t want a gone-away dog.”

Adulthood is filled with heart-wrenching choices, and deciding to euthanize a pet is one of the hardest. It’s a moment when you wish you could scream at the vet to stop, or grab your dog and run far away, but you know deep down that it won’t change anything. It’s a harsh lesson in maturity—a rite of passage that teaches us when to hold on and when to let go, whether it’s a beloved pet, a parent, or a spouse. Now, a summer later, our other dog is starting to show signs of age too.

I still find traces of Emily’s fur hidden in closets and drawers. Her collar rests in a special place, a small reminder of our time together. It was one of the most adult decisions I’ve ever faced, yet I still cling to the hope of doggy heaven, like a child believing in magic.

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Summary

Saying goodbye to a beloved pet is a profound experience filled with both love and heartache. The journey of companionship lasts through significant life events, but as time passes, the reality of aging and loss becomes inevitable. Facing the decision of euthanasia is a challenging rite of passage that teaches us about letting go and cherishing the memories of our furry friends.