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Rage Against the Cowl Neck
Hey friends, I’ve got some distressing news to share. Not only have the summer clothes been cleared from the racks (it’s still July, for crying out loud!), but the dreaded cowl neck is making a comeback. I can almost hear your groans of disbelief. Yes, that infamous neckline we thought had disappeared for good is back, and it feels like a bad fashion déjà vu. A few years ago, it made a brief appearance, but thankfully, it fizzled out quickly. Now, it seems we’re facing yet another wave of cowls. It’s like a cowl conspiracy is brewing!
I get it; not all cowls are created equal, and I shouldn’t group them all together. Designers want us to believe there’s a cowl for every body type, but I’ve yet to meet one that I would wear willingly. The oversized, chunky cowl from the bulky knits is a far cry from the softer, more elegant ones made from finer fabrics. But honestly? I’ve never been a fan. Never.
As fashion-savvy women, we need to band together and make our voices heard against the cowl neck trend. I mean, who decided that women of all shapes and sizes would look good in a cowl? Did some high-fashion guru think, “Hey, these look great on monks, let’s make them a thing for women too?”
My disdain for cowl necks began during my teenage years, a time when girls are figuring out their identities and how they want to present themselves. I distinctly remember trying on various styles, only to quickly decide that cowl necks were not for me. Whenever friends would ask for my opinion about how they looked in their outfits, I would stuff my face with snacks to avoid being seen as sympathetic to the cowl.
You have to understand; I was small-chested in high school (and still am), and during that time, cowl necks were everywhere. Every store I browsed was shouting “Cowl!” in 1983. I just didn’t see the appeal. Cowl neck shirts, dresses, and especially those pastel angora sweaters—ugh! When I tried them on, they never draped the way they were supposed to, and I wanted to be able to see my toes when I looked down. Can you relate?
I felt stifled by the cowl, and even those turtlenecks that zipped up at the back were suffocating. You know the kind I mean—those that snapped at the crotch? Yep, those were the worst! I felt trapped as if the fashion world was conspiring against me, forcing me into these cowls. While going without would have felt liberating, I was far too conscious of what others thought of me. I wasn’t ready to bare my tiny breasts to the world, and back then, online shopping was nonexistent. I was stuck with cowl necks.
Even my mother, a known cowl neck enthusiast, worked against my attempts to avoid them. She looked great in a cowl, so naturally, she thought I would too. She bought me cowl neck sweaters regularly, and I vaguely remember her having to use some persuasion to get me to wear one for a fancy dinner.
It’s not that I don’t think cowls look nice on others; they do! My mom rocked them, and I remember Loni Anderson looking fabulous in hers. But maybe you need to have the right body type or stylist to pull it off. How many of us can say we fit into that category?
In moments of self-doubt, I wonder if I’m being too harsh on the cowl. Maybe I’m the issue, not the cowl itself. Perhaps I lack the skill to style it properly. But let’s be real—I refuse to take the blame for this one.
I know there are plenty of other necklines I get along with just fine. Halters and strapless tops? Yes, please! I thought I had options, but the sudden influx of cowls in shops makes me think there’s something sinister happening in the fashion world. The other day at Marshalls, every single sweater was a cowl. Is New Hampshire the epicenter for cowls, or is this a nationwide issue?
We don’t have to accept this, ladies. We need to unite and make a stand. I can’t go back to a world where everyone wears cowls. I can already picture my eighth graders donning the latest styles, believing this is the trend of the decade. What’s next, my mom pulling out her old cowls from the attic?
It’s just too much to handle.