Why I Won’t Be Celebrating My Divorce

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Lately, there’s been a lot of chatter about turning divorce into a reason to celebrate. Some folks think that the end of a marriage deserves cheers rather than sympathy. Sure, I get the logic behind it. I’ve met countless people who have gone through divorce, and some of them genuinely see it as a fresh start. In certain situations—like escaping from abusive relationships—celebrating freedom makes total sense. It’s a victory over darkness, and I salute those who find the strength to break free.

But for me? Nope, I can’t bring myself to throw a party for my divorce.

I know, I know. People tell me I’m better off without my ex. The divorce meant escaping lies, infidelity, and a deep disrespect that nearly shattered my sense of self. But it also brought the end of dreams that I had cherished. Those plans we crafted together? They were dashed to pieces when we signed that decree. In that moment, I felt like we were also signing away the promises made not just to each other, but to our kids as well.

The Impact on Our Children

And speaking of the kids, that’s another big reason I won’t be celebrating. While divorce can bring stability for some families, for us, it was a different story. During the rocky early days, I had a heartbreaking conversation with my ex, where I expressed my fears about how it would impact our children. He brushed it off, saying kids adapt. Well, fast forward eight years, and while the kids are mostly okay now, it wasn’t smooth sailing for a long time. There are emotional scars that will linger, because let’s face it—splitting up a family leaves a mark.

I have four kids, and each of them processed the divorce in their own unique way. There were more tears than I could have anticipated, and anger that surprised me. We faced financial struggles that led to losing our family home. Suddenly, I was a stay-at-home mom scrambling for work and childcare. Our holiday traditions? Gone. It turned into a juggling act of alternating years, always uncertain if the next holiday would be joyous or challenging.

The New Normal

Therapy sessions and school issues became part of our new normal. I knew that being a child of divorce came with its own set of stigmas. Every misstep or bad grade felt like a judgment from the world, as if the invisible critics were wagging their fingers at me.

At one point, I was genuinely worried about one of my kids slipping into depression. Did the divorce cause it? Who knows, but I can say with certainty that it didn’t help matters. My kids had to witness my struggles, including those mornings when getting out of bed felt like climbing a mountain. The pain of watching my marriage crumble was suffocating during those early days.

Finding Reasons to Celebrate

But I persevered. I got out of bed, and that’s what I choose to celebrate. Each day that I laughed more than I cried? That’s worth celebrating. Watching my kids grow into incredible young adults? A reason to celebrate. The love and support from my amazing friends? Definitely something to celebrate. Realizing that tough times build character and that our small family has more resilience than a Disney parade? Absolutely worth celebrating. And filling out my first FAFSA solo? Yup, that was a moment to cheer for too.

Let me be clear: I will celebrate the journey of healing and moving on. I’ll celebrate how hard I fought to save my marriage until I realized it wasn’t going to work. I’ll celebrate getting through all those nerve-wracking “firsts,” some with grace and some barely scraping by. If you want to raise a glass to how far my kids and I have come since those dark early days, I’m all in (just make mine a dirty martini, please).

But the divorce itself? That brutal, heart-wrenching experience that almost broke me? I can’t celebrate that. I understand if you want to celebrate yours. If you’re up for it, I’ll join in your festivities, but I can’t and won’t celebrate mine.

In Summary

While some see divorce as a reason to celebrate new beginnings, it’s not the case for everyone. For me, it marked the end of dreams and brought significant challenges for my family. I choose to celebrate resilience, growth, and the support from loved ones rather than the divorce itself.

Now, let’s talk about those martinis!