How to Throw a Kid’s Birthday Bash in 45 Simple Steps

1. Pick a date for the party.
2. Collaborate with the birthday kid to select a theme.
3. Create a guest list.
4. Get cute invitations from Etsy.
5. Save 10 fun, themed recipes on Pinterest for the party.
6. Send out those adorable invitations.
7. Get a heads up from the teacher that you must invite the whole class, not just your kid’s best pals.
8. Consider creatively canceling the party to avoid the whole class situation.
9. Print 16 more invitations.
10. Receive your first RSVP: a mom asking if she can bring her other kid along.
11. Order the birthday cake.
12. Get a few more RSVPs, adding extra siblings and grandparents to the list.
13. Receive six more RSVPs, leading to even more additions, including cousins and grandmas.
14. Stock up on extra plates, cups, napkins, and utensils.
15. Get a call from Jamie’s mom about his nut allergy and red food coloring sensitivity—yikes!
16. Call the bakery only to learn their batter is made in a nut-inclusive facility.
17. Cancel the cake order.
18. Order a special cake from a pricey bakery that can accommodate allergies. Totally worth it for Jamie!
19. Ditch the Pinterest recipes for some pizza coupons instead.
20. Get your first “no” RSVP from a friend who’s busy at a movie sing-along. (So unfair!)
21. A few more declines—thanks a lot, Maria!
22. More RSVPs come in, but they’re mostly declines, leading you back to your initial headcount.
23. Trevor’s mom lets you know he’s allergic to latex, so no balloons, please.
24. Bump into Lily’s mom while returning unused supplies—she forgot to mention Lily is dairy-free but will bring her own food.
25. Control the urge to hug Lily’s mom for her thoughtfulness.
26. Clean out your pantry of all nut products.
27. Decorate your space sans balloons.
28. Hope no one notices the faint smell of that organic, vegan cake.
29. Panic when your mom surprises your daughter with a bunch of balloons. Quick, hide them!
30. Start welcoming guests.
31. Get a text from Jamie’s mom saying they can’t make it due to a soccer game. Trevor can’t come either.
32. Send your mom to fetch the hidden balloons.
33. Guide Lily’s dad to the den since he’s eager to catch the game, having been dragged to your party.
34. Ask your brother to keep an eye on Lily’s dad.
35. Dispatch your husband to grab a regular cake—your house is starting to smell like a hippie café.
36. Serve pizza while Emma’s mom casually suggests Pinterest recipes for your next gathering since everyone is “over pizza.”
37. Sing “Happy Birthday” without knocking over Jamie’s brother as he blows out the candles.
38. Direct Braxton’s grandpa, who’s at the linen closet door, to the restroom.
39. Try to convince your daughter to unwrap her gifts after everyone leaves—good luck with that!
40. Shoot Kenzie’s mom a glare every time her daughter exclaims, “I have one of those!” after each present.
41. Thank everyone for coming while holding the goody bags at the door.
42. Consider tripping Timmy when he complains about the goody bag contents.
43. Have a mini heart attack when you overhear Eloise’s mom say her daughter can spend the night if you’re cool with it.
44. Ask your brother to break the news to Lily’s dad that the party is wrapping up.
45. Shut the door behind the last guest, pour yourself a glass of wine, and vow that next year, it’s Chuck E. Cheese all the way!

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