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To My Kids, I’m Sorry About Work
Hey there, my little ones,
I just wanted to take a moment to say I’m really sorry about the whole working thing. I hate that I have to tuck you in early because I’m wiped out from a long day. I feel awful when I think, “Can I call in sick tomorrow?” instead of focusing on you when you’re under the weather. I know it stinks when I can’t be home to cuddle you when you’re not feeling well. I wish I could be there in the morning to hear about your dreams instead of being stuck at work dreaming of being with you. I regret munching on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with my coworkers instead of sharing it with you.
When your babysitter says, “Mommy will be home soon,” you have no idea how much I wish “soon” could just mean “now.” I feel guilty discussing boring adult stuff like budgets instead of magical tea parties with you. I know ironing my work clothes takes away from our time racing toy cars on the kitchen floor. It’s frustrating when work seems to follow me home, and I find myself staring at my computer more than seeing your beautiful smiles.
Every time you ask me to play hide-and-seek, I end up saying, “Just one more work thing,” and I hate it. I’m sorry we can’t sleep in on cozy rainy days or that weekends fly by way too fast. Most of our dinners are rushed and quick because I’m juggling so much. I wish I could drop you off and pick you up from school like other kids’ moms do. I have a Pinterest board filled with fun crafts we’ll probably never get to. It breaks my heart when I realize that I might miss out on your milestones because of work.
I’m sorry for all those times you’ve heard Dad and me debating who gets to take you to the doctor. I wish I could kiss your boo-boos better instead of doing it over FaceTime. I can’t volunteer in your classroom because I’m running my own, and that’s a tough pill to swallow. I wish I had luck winning the lottery or had chosen a job with fewer hours. I’m just really sorry that I have to work and that it pulls me away from you.
I often feel guilty about it, crying myself to sleep because I struggle to balance it all. I work hard to provide you with opportunities I didn’t have growing up—a brighter future, family trips, a college fund, and maybe even some fun new dress-up clothes. I promise I’m away to make your life better, but that doesn’t always ease my guilt. I knew work would be part of being a parent, but the reality is so much tougher than I ever imagined. I didn’t realize how intense my love for you would be and how much it would hurt to be apart.
I’m sorry for feeling this way, but I’m also incredibly grateful. I appreciate that you understand why I need to work, and I love that you still call me your best friend, even when we’re just passing by each other. And I cherish those moments when I squeeze your hand a little too tightly, and you squeeze back with all your little might.
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In summary, while I’m juggling work and family life, I’m learning to balance my love for you with the demands of my job. It’s a tough journey filled with guilt and gratitude, yet every moment spent with you is worth it.