5 Surprising Realities of Parenthood That No One Mentions

Let’s be real: you can never fully prepare for the chaos that is parenthood. Some experiences are just things you have to muddle through. It would’ve been nice if someone had given you a heads-up about these five eye-opening truths about having kids.

1. Baby Poop

Oh boy, no one warned you that a newborn is like a malfunctioning soft serve ice cream machine, continuously churning out runny mustard-like poop every ten minutes, often accompanied by a catastrophic explosion. Seriously, it’s a lot messier than you could ever imagine!

2. Croup

What on earth is that sound? At some point during your little one’s first year, you’ll be jolted awake by a noise that’ll send chills down your spine. You’ll think your baby is either about to expire or has been taken over by a sea lion. The cough that comes with croup is unsettling, but the bizarre sounds from such a tiny human are what really throw you off.

3. Night Terrors

What the heck? If you’ve ever dealt with night terrors, you know they can strike out of nowhere. Your little one may sit straight up in bed, screaming like they’re in a horror movie. If they’re older, they might look you in the eye and proclaim they’re going to die or embark on a rambling spree that resembles a bad acid trip. You’ll think they’re awake, but nope—they’re fast asleep. And while you might worry they’ll need years of therapy, rest assured, they won’t remember a thing in the morning. But you? You might need some therapy after that experience.

4. Threenagers and the Frustrating Fours

Oh. My. Gosh. You’ve heard about the Terrible Twos, but brace yourself: the threes and fours are a whole new level of madness. Those 18 to 36 months are essentially boot camp for your child, where they hone their whining and arguing skills to perfection, leaving you on your knees begging for mercy.

5. Superhuman Hearing vs. Nighttime Deafness

Is he really still asleep? You used to sleep through anything, but now you have the hearing of a superhero. Even the faintest sound will spike your adrenaline like you’re in a thriller movie. Meanwhile, your partner has developed an uncanny ability to sleep through earthquakes. One night, you’ll wake up multiple times, only for your spouse to casually say, “Wow! The baby slept through the night!” You’ll fight the urge to punch him in the face. Save it for later when the baby’s soft serve machine goes haywire again.

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In summary, parenthood is a wild ride filled with unexpected challenges. From the chaotic nature of baby poop to the spooky sounds of night terrors, it’s a journey that will test your patience and resilience. But fear not; you’re not alone in this adventure.