As my son prepares to head off to college, I find myself reflecting on how our relationship is evolving. One evening, I sat on the porch swing, watching fireflies flicker while my phone buzzed occasionally. My Kindle had dimmed, and my son was out shooting hoops in the driveway. I couldn’t help but analyze the sound of each basketball thump. My husband reassured me that our son had left the dinner table without any conflict, which was a relief, since I wasn’t feeling the same.
Our recent argument felt trivial in hindsight. His room was a disaster zone, and I just asked him to tidy it up. He could have easily said, “Sure,” and we could have avoided the whole thing. Instead, he shot back, “I’m busy,” which felt like a jab. Sure, he had been hanging out with friends and playing basketball, but it stung to hear he was too busy for something as simple as cleaning his space. He usually doesn’t resist my requests so vehemently, and I wasn’t feeling particularly patient either.
“Maybe I’m too busy to let you borrow my car until your room is clean,” I snapped back. And just like that, dinner was over, and he stormed off. I told my husband it was a matter of respect. I’m not his maid, and he can’t expect me to pick up after him forever.
It’s as if the ground beneath us is shifting, much like a cartoon where an earthquake creates a chasm. He’s about to leave for college, and while I’m excited for him, it’s hard to navigate this change in our family dynamic. I remember my own pre-college summer, filled with similar arguments with my mom. She thought I was being disrespectful, and I thought she was overreacting to things that didn’t matter, like whether I had the right shower caddy. Now, I find myself reflecting on how I acted back then, and I realize that maybe I owe my mom an apology.
It’s ironic; after years of telling him he needed to take responsibility for himself, now that he’s starting to do it, I feel a bit useless. My husband seems more prepared for this transition. Maybe that’s because he won’t have to deal with cleaning up my son’s room after he leaves. As the day wore on, my anger faded, and I decided to let it go. When I went back inside, I found my son engrossed in a show, and instead of tackling my own chores, I decided to join him.
These upcoming weeks will be tough, but I’m learning to accept that I can’t control everything, especially not my son. When the time comes for him to leave, we can either let ourselves fall into that chasm or use our time to build a bridge. As long as his messy room stays on his side, I think we’ll be alright.
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In Summary
As my son gets ready for college, I am realizing how our relationship is shifting. Arguments over chores feel trivial compared to the bigger picture of his independence. I’m learning to embrace this transition, even if it means letting go a little.