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The Epic Butt Wiping Showdown
Let’s face it, parenting is way more than just dealing with scraped knees and the occasional leak. It’s basically the longest trial-and-error experiment ever. Something works? Great! You stick with it until it stops working—which, let’s be real, is usually just a few minutes later. Then you’re jumping over mountains of clean laundry, doing a little victory dance, and shouting, “It actually works!” But then you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realize you look like a mad scientist, so you rein it in. Still, in the back of your mind, there’s that little cheer, “It worked!”
Then you have a second child, and you think you’re a parenting pro. You’re basically a parenting Yoda. But surprise, surprise—nothing you did with the first kid seems to apply here. It’s like trying to reinvent the wheel all over again.
Right now, I’m in the thick of it. My first son, when he finally got the hang of potty training, took on that responsibility like a champ. I taught him how to wipe, and let’s just say, he didn’t exactly ace it. It turned laundry day into a bit of a horror show. But once you give a kid that responsibility, it’s hard to go back and say, “Hey, you’re not so great at this. Let me help.” So I silently scrubbed away the evidence and threw in a refresher course every now and then.
When my second child started his potty-training journey, I had a new game plan. I’d wipe for him until he figured it out. Sounded easy, right? After all, I’d been doing it since day one. That was two years ago, and I’m still the designated butt wiper. And honestly? I’m over it. But he’s not.
I know what you’re thinking: “Doesn’t he wipe at school?” Nope! He hasn’t pooped anywhere but home in nearly three years. I once left for two days, and he held it in until I returned—no joke.
So, we finally had the talk.
Me: “Hey buddy, how about you start wiping on your own?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “It’s super easy! I can show you.”
Him: “No.”
Time for a different approach.
Me: “Don’t you want to be a big boy and wipe your own butt?”
Him: “No.”
Me: “But it’s so nice to have privacy and go whenever you want!”
Him: “No.”
Clearly, my calm “let’s take it easy” method wasn’t cutting it. I might’ve snapped a little.
Me: “Listen up! I’m done being your butt wiper.”
Him: “No.”
Me: “For real. You’re in pre-K now. It’s time to learn.”
Him: “No.”
Me: “Alright, since you’re not getting it, from now on, you’re wiping yourself. Got it?”
Him: “No.”
It’s been three days since he’s pooped, and honestly? I’m not mad about it.
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In summary, parenting can feel like an endless cycle of trials, especially when it comes to potty training. What works for one kid may not work for another, leaving you to navigate a whole new playbook. But hey, every little victory counts, even if it means waiting for a stubborn kid to come around.