Please Don’t Touch My Child’s Hair Just Because You’re Curious

home insemination Kit

Hey there!

I wanted to share a little story about something that happened to me recently. A few weeks ago, while on vacation at the beach, my family and I popped into a shoe store so my mom could find some flip-flops. My son, who’s five, dashed to the back of the store looking for shoes he didn’t even need! While we were chatting, you showed us where to find what we were looking for, and then you reached out and touched his hair.

Honestly, I might have brushed off the encounter if it weren’t for that moment. It felt like you lingered a bit too long, running your fingers through his curls and his little mohawk (which he calls a “monkey-hawk”). I stood there, frozen, wanting to say something but held back by the urge to be polite. It’s a familiar situation for me as a white mom with a black son; I often feel protective when strangers express curiosity about his hair.

I just want to shield him from being viewed as an object of curiosity. I want him to feel confident and comfortable in his own skin, especially in spaces where he might stand out as the only black child. It’s crucial for him to understand that his personal boundaries matter and that it’s okay to speak up if someone makes him uncomfortable.

After that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about our brief encounter. I talked it over with my husband, my family, and friends who are also in mixed-race families. I even reached out to some black friends to see if their kids have had similar experiences. I really wanted to know if I was overreacting or if this was a genuine issue tied to race.

A wise friend pointed out that touching someone’s hair—especially in the black community—often comes from a place of respect. People of color tend to understand the significance and care that goes into maintaining black hair. Unfortunately, many white people may not be aware of this cultural nuance, which can lead to uncomfortable situations like the one I faced.

I get that curiosity is natural, but it’s not okay to invade someone’s personal space just to satisfy that curiosity. Sometimes, it’s essential to respect others’ boundaries. Right now, I’m teaching my son that his body belongs to him, and he has every right to say no to unwanted touch.

Would you have touched his hair if he were with his black dad instead? My whiteness doesn’t give you an automatic pass. I want to be the kind of parent who encourages open dialogue while guiding my kids in understanding their rights and boundaries.

If you genuinely want to learn about my family or how to care for black hair, I’m open to chatting—but maybe not in front of my son, who’s already noticing the differences in his experience. Dialogue is essential for growth and understanding, and I want to help create that space.

So, what do you think? Have you had similar experiences?

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Summary:

In this heartfelt piece, a mother reflects on an encounter in a shoe store where a woman touched her black son’s hair out of curiosity. The mother grapples with feelings of protectiveness and the need to teach her son about personal boundaries. She emphasizes the importance of understanding cultural differences regarding hair and encourages respectful curiosity, while also highlighting the necessity of open dialogue around race and identity.