The Awkward Question: Why Not Just Adopt?

home insemination Kit

With the rise of in vitro fertilization (IVF) in the media, I’ve been hearing this question a lot lately: “Why bother with fertility treatments? Why not just adopt?” As someone who has faced the ups and downs of infertility, I can tell you that these comments come from a place of ignorance. Seriously, I’ve lost count of how many times my partner and I have been met with unsolicited advice during our journey.

Let’s clear the air: Adoption is a beautiful option! But please, stop suggesting it to couples who are struggling to conceive! Here’s why:

1. It’s Not Your Business! Are you funding the treatments or navigating the emotional rollercoaster? No? Then your opinion is irrelevant.
2. There Are Alternatives! Infertility doesn’t mean giving up. Options like intrauterine insemination (IUI), IVF, and surrogacy exist. Just because someone has faced infertility doesn’t mean they don’t have choices.
3. Adoption Is Complicated Too! Many think of adoption as a simple solution, but it’s not. It can be costly (averaging between $20,000 and $40,000!) and lengthy. The average wait time for placement can be around 14 months, and sometimes it doesn’t work out at all.
4. Trying Isn’t a Crime. What’s wrong with exploring IUI or IVF before considering adoption? You aren’t selfish for wanting to try every option available to you.
5. Adoption Doesn’t Erase Grief. Just as having a biological child won’t erase the pain of infertility, adopting a child doesn’t make those feelings disappear.
6. Adoption Isn’t Just for Infertile Couples. No one asks fertile couples why they don’t just adopt. Wanting to experience pregnancy and childbirth is completely normal.
7. Not Everyone Wants to Adopt. While adoption is a wonderful path for many, some people simply don’t feel that it’s right for them. That’s a personal choice that deserves respect.
8. It’s Not a Punishment. Comments like “Maybe it’s meant to be” or “This is God’s way” are hurtful. Couples facing infertility need support, not judgment.
9. Reserve Judgment. It’s easy to have opinions until you’re in someone’s shoes. Until you’ve walked that path, you can’t truly understand.
10. Decisions Are Personal. Trust that those involved are doing what’s right for them. My husband and I weighed all our options carefully before deciding on treatments, and eventually, we were blessed with a healthy pregnancy.

Each couple’s journey is unique. Some are opting for fertility treatments, while others may choose adoption or remain childless. The important thing is to follow your heart in this highly personal decision. And to those who haven’t faced this struggle, please be kind and refrain from judgment.

For more insights on alternative paths to parenthood, check out this resource. Also, if you’re looking for information on insemination options, you can visit Make a Mom or this blog post for more guidance.

In summary, the journey to parenthood is deeply personal and can take many forms. Whether it’s through fertility treatments, adoption, or other methods, respect and understanding are essential.