Lessons Learned as an Adoptive Mom: Embracing the Journey

Just like any hopeful adoptive mom, I fully expected to fall head over heels for the little one I was fortunate enough to adopt. With that belief in my heart, I embarked on the path of domestic adoption, convinced there was no difference between being a mom through adoption and one through biology. Now, six years later, I can confidently say I was mistaken.

Not in how I love my child—she is my heart and soul—but in my assumption that adoption wouldn’t play such a significant role in her life and, consequently, in my parenting. From the very beginning, as I navigated the complexities of my daughter’s adoption story, I realized that incorporating adoption into our lives was going to be one of my most important responsibilities. Here’s what I’ve discovered along the way:

1. Start Talking About Adoption Early

I mean even before they can fully understand. From day one, I’ve made it a point to include conversations about my daughter’s birth mom, siblings, and extended family in our daily life. It’s my responsibility to create an atmosphere where her adoption is embraced, not shied away from.

2. Become an Adoption Advocate

Trust me, people will say some pretty bizarre things about adoption, birth mothers, and the whole process. When mainstream media often misrepresents adoption, it’s up to me to protect my child from misconceptions. I want her to confidently say, “My birth mom didn’t give me away; she loves me!”

3. Let Go of the Term “Real”

As in, “Where’s her real mom?” You’d be surprised what kids and adults alike might say! It’s essential for adoptive parents to take a deep breath and recognize that many people simply don’t know better. When my daughter recently told me, “You’re not my real mom,” I calmly responded, “Of course I am! I care for you each day, and your birth mom is real too because she carried you and brought you into the world. You have two real moms, and that’s pretty awesome!” She shrugged and said, “Yeah.” It’s key not to let these comments ruffle your feathers—know your triggers and work through them.

4. Connect with Other Adoptive Families

It’s empowering and fun to meet other families who have also adopted. Whenever I hear about different family dynamics, whether it’s single parents by choice or families with same-sex parents, I point it out to my daughter. “Look, that’s how that family works! All families are unique.”

5. Cultivate Relationships with Birth Families

We share a daughter, so they’re part of my family too. I make an effort to talk lovingly about them, display their photos alongside ours, and stay connected via social media and calls. We visit each year to keep that bond strong.

After six years of being an adoptive mom, I’ve come to understand more about the nuances involved. I know that as time goes on, I’ll continue to learn and grow. If you’re interested in more stories and insights on this topic, check out some of our other blog posts here.

In the journey of parenthood, whether through adoption or otherwise, it’s crucial to embrace every aspect and celebrate the unique family you’re building. And speaking of family, for those exploring fertility options, you might want to check out resources like Make A Mom for fertility supplements and CCRM IVF for an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.