Finding Comfort in My Online Parenting Tribe

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As someone who thrives on social interaction, I often find myself drawn to solitary pursuits. I’m a writer, and for eight years, I ran a cleaning business where I spent long hours alone. I cherished that solitude, losing myself in thoughts and the comforting sounds from my earbuds. I could easily spend six hours a day listening to everything from talk radio to sports updates streamed through my smartphone. It kept me entertained and informed, all while allowing my mind to drift into creative ideas. Even in those quiet moments, loneliness was never a concern.

Several months ago, I decided to close my business and embrace the role of a stay-at-home mom. With three kids, my partner and I thought it best for me to stay home with our twin boys while our daughter is in preschool. Nowadays, my early morning writing sessions are my only time alone. Surrounded by our energetic family dog and our lively toddlers, I often feel a sense of loneliness creeping in, even amidst the chaos.

My boys and I have established a routine filled with playgroups, library visits, and trips to Costco and the park. While we encounter other families, these brief interactions rarely satisfy my social needs. Although we share the common thread of parenthood, not all parents will become friends. I appreciate the cautious, non-sarcastic moms, but I often don’t relate to them. Sometimes I indulge in a midday drink or mutter under my breath when my kids misbehave. Not every mom gets my approach.

I adore my boys, but there are days when I wish for a bit of breathing room. Each night, I find myself worried that I’m missing out on precious moments, too caught up in the daily grind to fully enjoy the experience of motherhood. There’s a constant mix of joy and guilt, knowing that my frustration can overshadow the simple pleasures of hugs and laughter with my kids.

Most of my family members are busy with work or live too far away for spontaneous playdates, so I seek connection in my online community through my phone. While I can still tune into radio shows, it’s tough to enjoy them when my two-year-olds are vying for my attention every few seconds—or when I’m yelling for them to stop fighting. I know this is just a phase, but it’s hard to savor adult conversations when my little ones are around.

So, I engage with my boys, read to them, do housework, and hold out hope for a decent nap time. In the fleeting moments of peace throughout the day, I turn to my phone. I can’t exactly paint the room I’ve been meaning to freshen up or dive into a good book during those brief interludes. Leaving the room is a challenge with two tiny shadows eager to help.

I scroll through social media, read snippets of news, and share pictures of my kids—posting articles and witty updates to keep my humor alive, even if it’s not as sharp as it used to be. These moments on my phone help me cope with the boredom and isolation of being home with kids all day. When my boys don’t need me, I distract myself from what I wish I could do.

In my online world, I also connect with other parents who understand the daily negotiations with toddlers and the struggle to give everything to your kids while feeling depleted. I come across articles that resonate with my feelings, laugh at relatable memes, and read beautifully crafted pieces that remind me I’m doing okay and motivate me to improve.

During these scrolling sessions, I feel supported. Although most of these individuals are strangers, they understand my unspoken thoughts and the need for connection. I embrace my identity as a parent, but I also recognize my humanity. My phone serves as a lifeline to my sanity and to the outside world beyond my home.

Ultimately, I’m a social being, but I find myself once again in a phase of solitary work. The voices in my phone remind me that this stage of life is temporary and encourage me to embrace every moment, good or bad, because it’ll all pass before I know it. Each like or retweet reassures me that I’m not alone. So, whenever I feel isolated, I reach for my phone to lessen that loneliness.

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Summary:

The piece reflects on the challenges and joys of being a stay-at-home mom to three kids. It discusses the struggle for social connection and the comfort found in online communities. The author shares insights on the balance between motherhood and personal identity, highlighting the temporary nature of this phase and the importance of cherishing every moment.