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There’s No Such Thing As a Flawless Mom
Before I welcomed my first child into the world, I thought I had motherhood all figured out. I eagerly attended every childbirth and breastfeeding class, devoured countless parenting books, and brimmed with strong opinions and high hopes. I was more than ready to share my wisdom with anyone who would listen.
Then the reality hit me like a freight train after a long and challenging labor. My first glimpse of motherhood was a far cry from what I had envisioned; it was chaotic and painful—both physically and emotionally. I felt completely blindsided.
That overwhelming feeling of being struck by the “Motherhood Truck” lingered through those hazy early days after my son was born. I was so exhausted I could barely move, and my mind was a fog. Fast forward 13 years later, and I still feel like I’m figuring it out as I go along.
I’ve been raising that little boy, now a teenager, along with three younger siblings. Throughout this journey, every parenting opinion I once held dear has been challenged and reshaped. I quickly learned that any judgment I cast upon another mother could come back to me in the most humbling ways, courtesy of my own kids. Trust me, I’ve got the stains and scars to show for it.
One thing I’ve learned is that no one is exempt from the trials of motherhood. As soon as you think you have a handle on something—like sleep training or potty training—your child will surprise you. You might scoff at the mother whose child bites others, only to find your own child doing the same not long after. And just when you think you’ve escaped the picky eater phase, your once adventurous toddler suddenly decides that broccoli is the enemy. We’ve all been there.
It’s amusing to think that while every adult is unique, we somehow expect children to fit into a one-size-fits-all model of parenting. Having four kids of my own has shown me that each one is different, defying any stereotypes. No two children come with the same set of needs, strengths, or weaknesses. Honestly, I’m just winging it with each of them.
While it’s natural for mothers to compare notes and make decisions based on what we see in others, it’s crucial to keep those discussions supportive rather than competitive. When our little ones are small, we worry about feeding, sleep schedules, and discipline, wanting nothing more than to get it right. But as they grow, we find ourselves navigating more complex challenges—like school struggles or mental health concerns. The worries morph but never truly fade.
I used to envy other mothers in my toddler music class for how quickly they bounced back after childbirth or how advanced their babies seemed. Now, when I see other moms in the preschool parking lot, I recognize that we all have our unique battles. Each of us carries the weight of self-doubt and the fear of failing our children.
Through my experiences, I’ve realized that we are all imperfect and make mistakes repeatedly. This journey is about learning and growing. At 41, I’ve witnessed friends navigate motherhood while facing unimaginable challenges—illness, loss, and grief. These experiences have reshaped my understanding of what it means to be a mother and how we view one another.
Ultimately, what matters most to me isn’t whether you choose formula or breastfeeding, co-sleeping or separate beds, homemade baby food or store-bought pouches. It’s not about whether you work outside the home or stay at home—I’ve done both and can attest to the fact that the core of motherhood remains unchanged. The most important thing is that we’re all trying our best to love our children.
There may not be a perfect way to be a mother, but there are countless ways to be a good one. No one can support another mother better than someone who has walked a similar path. When it’s tough, all we need is a reminder that we’re not alone. So, if you need someone to say, “I get it,” come join me, and let’s do the same for others.
I genuinely care about uplifting other moms, regardless of our choices, because we all share the same goal: to love our kids as best as we can. Similac agrees, which is why they recently partnered with The Sisterhood of Motherhood and TODAY’s Parenting Team to discuss the harmful effects of judgment among mothers. They’ve even teamed up with filmmaker Cynthia Wade for a new documentary, #EndMommyWars, which follows the journeys of new moms navigating this challenging but rewarding path. Check out the trailer and see if you can relate to the stories shared.
In the end, we’re all mothers, and the journey is challenging enough without pitting ourselves against one another.
Summary
Motherhood is a messy, unpredictable journey filled with challenges and surprises. Each child is unique, and as mothers, we all strive to do our best, navigating our own struggles. Supporting one another, rather than judging, is crucial in this shared experience of raising children.