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Today’s Grocery Store Anxiety: A Tale of a Reluctant Couponer
Updated: May 4, 2020
Originally Published: Sep. 25, 2015
I used to think I was pretty adept at staying calm, even when life threw me curveballs. Zen vibes were my thing—before I became a parent. Now, it feels like my cool demeanor has been hijacked. My kids can turn a serene moment into a chaotic showdown faster than you can say “grocery store.”
Seriously, what is it about supermarkets that transforms my little angels into creatures straight out of a horror flick? Just the thought of heading there sends me spiraling into a sleepless night filled with dread. And as if that’s not enough, I also have to contend with slow walkers, chatty shoppers, senior citizens hunting for discounts, and the ultimate test of patience: novice couponers.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for saving a few bucks. If I could get away with serving ramen every night without worrying about the health consequences, I would. I dabbled in couponing once, but it mostly ended with sore fingers and a whole lot of frustration. Really? Seven boxes of granola bars just to get one half off? I’d rather spend that money on Band-Aids for my coupon-clipping injuries!
For some, couponing is an art. There are women out there who have honed their skills, pouring over ads and Sunday papers like it’s their job. These women are the grocery store Jedi, and I respect their dedication. But today, the lady in front of me at the checkout line was no Jedi. She was a rookie, visibly shaky with her checkbook and indecisive about the juice boxes in her cart. As I tried to keep my kids from staging a coup, I could see her anxiety levels rising with each beep of the scanner.
Was it my kids growling like pirates behind her? Could she sense my glare as I mentally willed her to hurry up? Or was she reflecting on her questionable choice of purchasing 23 sticks of deodorant? The checkout line began to feel like a scene out of a thriller, and I was losing my grip.
After what felt like an eternity, the cashier announced the savings. “You’ve saved $3.47 today!”
“What? That can’t be right!” the woman stammered, frantically rifling through her purse as if searching for a magic coupon that would save her a fortune. I was on the edge of my seat, half-excited to see what treasures she had hidden away.
While she searched, I kept my kids entertained with promises of peanut M&M’s, all the while resisting the urge to launch them at her head. Finally, she emerged with a triumphant look, waving what she believed would be her golden ticket to massive savings.
“Found it!” she declared, handing over her prized coupon. This was her moment—the culmination of her hard work and all those hours spent strategizing over her grocery list. Meanwhile, I stood behind her, daydreaming about what I could do with that cart full of discounted goods. My inner chaos was bubbling to the surface.
The cashier tallied up the new savings and said, “You saved another dollar with that last coupon, ma’am.” Satisfied, the woman swiped her card and strutted out like she just won the lottery, giving the rest of us a look that said, “Suck it!”
As she disappeared, I contemplated following her and expressing my frustration in a rather dramatic fashion, but I decided against it. Instead, I thought about giving her a slow clap for her efforts while my kids turned the Doritos display into their personal jungle gym.
In the end, grocery shopping is always an adventure, especially when you throw kids and wannabe couponers into the mix. It’s a chaotic experience, but it’s one we all navigate together, one shopping trip at a time.
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